I Was There

“It HURTS!!!”

I just want the pain to STOP!

Why won’t it stop?

I’ve tried EVERY freaking thing I can think of to make it go away.

Alcohol numbs it for a while…then it’s back.

Drugs numb it for a day or two…then it’s back.

Sex will numb it for a few hours…then it’s back.

Smoking helps for a few minutes…then it’s back.

Nothing I do helps!

No variation of the things I use helps!

But I do have a gun that will end it all!

I’m just so freaking tired!!

Are listening to ME?

I heard about you when I was a child. Are you even REAL?

Yes, I am real.

Yes, I hear you loud and clear!

I’ve been right here with you from the beginning. I even guided you into your mother’s womb.

I watched you grow while your mother nurtured you.

I was there when you were born. I have been there everytime you got sick.

I’ve always been here for you.

Then why have you allowed the pain to continue. If you are real like those stories I used to hear, then why?

Because this, right now, is truly the first time you asked me to take it away.

That’s not true. I have asked.

You never asked me. You always went with other avenues.

You are right though. You have tried everything…alcohol, drugs, sex, porn and have mixed them all together. But THIS is the first time YOU have called MY name.

Those stories you heard as a child are all true.

What is also true is that I know your pain… intimately.

How is that even possible? This is MY pain!

And yet I died on a cross for your pain.

And when I was hanging on that cross asking God, my Father, why have  me You forsaken me, you were on my mind. Your sin caused my Father to turn His back to me. He is Holy and at that moment your sins were placed upon me so I could set you free!

But, I’m not talking about sin. I’m talking about the pain in heart.

Exactly! You were created to have a relationship with God. And the only to do that is through Me.

So I hung on that cross until all of your sins were placed upon me.

But I said pain not sin..

I know. But what caused your pain? Was it someone else’s sin?

I was there, remember?

I know who caused you pain. And I know what they did. I know all of it.

But guess what?

What?

Their sins were placed on me too! That thing they did to you was wrong. It was a sin.

I died for every bad thing done to you and for those things you have done to others. You know those things you did because you were hurting…which only made you hurt worse.

I tried to warn you and to turn you away from those things. But you wouldn’t listen to my voice.

But I didn’t know you, much less your voice. Heck I’m drunk and high right now so this conversation may not even be real.

But if you are real and this conversation is real then what must I do in order to stop the hurting. I’m so tired of it all that’s why I bought the gun so I could end it.

I know. And IF you had picked up the gun I already had a plan in place to stop you.

Why stop me from ending it all?

Because I love you. My Father loves you and He has a plan for your life to make it better and fulfilling.

Well anything has got to better than this! So what now?

I just want to talk with you for a while longer. But I want you to do most of the talking.

Though I have been there through everything I want you to tell me what hurts. I believe as the conversation continues you will be free of the pain and tomorrow will be a new day for you…with a new heart and a new mindset.

Just believe and have faith.

That’s what one of those little ole ladies said when I was little…just believe and have faith. I should have listened!

Ok, so you want me to do the talking. How do I do that with you?

The same way we are talking right now.

Just believe I am listening and have faith that I will forgive and make you a new person starting from the heart outward.

Ok…well…

*Why don’t you finish this talk with Jesus? We all have struggles and daily issues. He is just waiting for you to talk with Him about it all.*

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Guess what?

I’ve had this picture in my phone for years and have always wanted to do a post with it. But I wanted to get the owner’s permission first.

I have wrestled and wrestled with what words to say even after getting Stephen’s permission more than six months ago. This painting is just so powerful that I feel as if anything I say does not do it justice.

I had another vision of a story in mind tonight. I even started it and then it changed direction as the words started coming I chose to delete the original opening lines.

What are you thoughts?

The photo in this post is called Calvary
CALVARY – used with permission of the artist – Stephen Sawyer – ART4GOD.com