As parents we all have fears. They begin, for some of us, even before our children are born. I know for me it did.
You see, I have always wanted to be a dad. But I didn’t want to be just a dad, I wanted to be a great dad. A dad who would always be there for his children. One who would always show them affection and spend time with them and guide them into adulthood.
And yet, at the same time I always feared that I would never live up to my own expectations, much less theirs, of what a dad should be. Here lately that fear has crept back up to the point of me crying out God, I’m scared.
First, let me say I am ok. I have talked with friends and have asked many to pray for me, which has helped tremendously. But I still feel the prompting to share, with you, what I have struggled with over the past week in my head.
I’ve reflected back on my conversation with my dad where I asked him why he never showed me how to love a woman the right way and why wasn’t he there to guide me into adulthood as a spiritual leader. His answer brought tears to both of us as he said “Son, I was never shown how.”
That conversation still brings me to tears as I ponder my own relationship with my two children. Being a single dad with limited time with my kids is not easy for a dad who deeply loves his children.
I want to be that dad who does show his son how to love a woman the right way. I want to be that dad who will guide him into adulthood as his spiritual leader so he can be the same for his future wife and family.
I want to be that dad who will set the standard by which my daughter views men. A godly man, who treats woman correctly with respect and love. A dad who always reinforces to her how special she is, how priceless she is and yes, how beautiful she is.
The fear is in the fact the enemy is constantly attacking me. He does not want me to raise my children to love the Lord much less themselves.
He does not want me to teach my son how to be the spiritual leader by watching me.
He does not want me to be the example for my daughter to look for in a future husband.
The enemy wants me to fail. He wants me to fall flat on my face. He wants me to give up. But you know what? I’m not going to fail nor will I give up.
I may miss an opportunity here and there. I will make mistakes. I know that. But I will always be watching to protect my children to the best of my ability. I will guide them the best I can and pray diligently that the Lord will take up the slack.
I will stay sober and vigilant so the enemy does not devour me…nor them.