A Q & A Of Sorts: How Should I Address My Child Who Is Masturbating?

I received an email last month from a reader who asked a very deep and concerning question.

And I want to handle it a little different than I do a normal post. Hence the Q & A.

The question from the reader was in essence…how should I address my child who is masturbating…

I’ll be honest. This one is a tough one for me to handle because I did masturbate. And I remember the shame and guilt associated with it. And I remember the fight to stop that lasted decades.

Anyways…masturbation is one of those gray areas in the life of a Christian. And here is why…it’s not in the Bible…anywhere.. nothing…nodda…zilch.

There is a story that a LOT of people use to say that masturbation is wrong…but it has nothing to do with masturbation. It has to do with one rebellious man who didn’t want to give an heir to his dead brother.

And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother’s wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother.

Genesis 38:9 KJV

What did Onan do? He had sex with his brother’s wife and instead of ejaculating inside her, he pulled out and spilled his semen on the ground. That is not masturbation!

So what so we do as Christian parents?

Do we go with what the world says?

Because the world says it ok and healthy. And to be honest…there are health benefits.

I understand the fact that everyone of us was curious about our bodies, as a child and played with our body parts. That curiosity it normal, especially as hormonal changes take place.

But to allow that curiosity to become a habitual thing…I don’t think so.

What about the images guys think about when they masturbate? Or women for that matter?

Let’s take a look at a few verses and see if masturbation is wrong in the eyes of the Lord regardless of the fact that He “never” said it is wrong…

Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.
1 Corinthians 10:31 KJV

Can you glorify God by masturbating? Some Christians say yes. I say no.

What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?

For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.
1 Corinthians 6:19‭-‬20 KJV

Now, let’s look at this….

You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything.
1 Corinthians 6:12 NLT

We have freedom in Christ to do pretty much anything. We no longer have to live without certain foods…like bacon and we can drink alcohol.

But just because we have said freedom does NOT mean the things we choose to do are good for us. It also says that we should not become a slave to anything.

Masturbation can be a very addictive (slavery) behavior! Trust me on that one, ok…

A behavior that can in fact hurt both genders physically, mentally and spiritually.

And by physically, I do not mean curvation of the penis though you can rub the penis raw to the point of bleeding. You can also rub the clitoris raw by masturbating. ( I don’t know if you could damage some nerves ladies. Not many talk about it.)

But how do we address our pre-teen or teenage son or daughter dealing with this issue?

First, I would pray about how the Lord wants you, as the parent, to handle the situation.

I would then ask the child where they heard about it and what was said.

Then I would sit them down and discuss the issue WITHOUT adding more guilt or shame than what they may already be feeling.

They are just trying to figure out their body and how it all works, after all.

Maybe they did it once. It felt good so they kept doing it because it does feels good.

Discuss it openly and honestly. I do understand how difficult it may be. I have a son and a daughter.

If they have questions allow them to ask. Do not interupt them and then answer that question before moving to your next thought.

Explain to them what their bodies are going through, right now, is preparing them for their marriage bed.

Explain to them that sexual activity is designed by God for our pleasure, excitement and making babies, but within the confines of marriage.

Take it further, if you want and explain the benefits of sex. If you don’t talk about it when they are young they will not come to you later when they get to college or get married and have issues. Build the trust early!

We as Christian parents want to instill Godly character into our children. And that character includes how we look at sex and why we should wait until marriage before engaging in sexual activity.

And please have your Bible handy so you can SHOW them in scripture where the verses are that you use…if any.

Whatever you do… don’t bust up in their room yelling “Oh my God! What are you doing? Stop that. Never do that!”

Because then you have associated their body parts and their curiosity as bad. Which in turn will have bad consequences later when they get married and their spouse wants and needs to have sex with them.

Plus, just because you said don’t…they will. But if you explain everything…they will more than likely understand why it’s better to not keep doing it.

As I said in the beginning masturbation is not in scripture.

Also, I am no sex counselor. I’ve just had a lot of experience in some things I wish I never had. And this is one of those things.

For me, personally, it is a sin because for me I could never masturbate without lustful thoughts.

For others, it is not a sin, even with the lustful thoughts.

I believe that only God and the party involved can determine if it is a sin or not for them based ln the Holy Spirit and His prompting!

Dear reader,

I am sorry it took so long to get this post written. I pray it answers you question! If it doesn’t please email me and I can share more thoughts on the subject one on one.

If any of you would like me to an a questiom for you as a post or a specific topic please feel free to email me or leave it in the comment section.