From A Porn Scene Mentality To Intimacy With Your Wife

Tags

Body massage, Husband, Intimacy, Orgasm, Passion, Pleasure, Pornography, Sex In Marriage, Sexual Integrity, Wife, Your wife's pleasure matters

This is something that has been on my heart for a while now guys and honestly, I may lose some followers after this post or I may gain a few.

I have been a recovering porn addict for almost six years now and through my various ministries on social media have had many wives reach out to me with questions. Many of them have shared their pain, their hurt and their stories with me.

I knew what viewing porn did to me spiritually, physically and mentally but my wife at the time never opened up to me as to what it did to her. She never shared with me the hurt and pain till much later. And hearing these stories from wives tears me up I tell you.

For a while I thought I was the only one hearing these stories because when I started blogging not too many others were truly speaking out against pornography per se.

It’s cool that now more bloggers are speaking out against porn. Many of these bloggers are ones that I personally follow, so of course I will read their post. Sometimes I read the comments and sometimes I don’t depending on the topic. (Sorry guys, just being honest.)

The reason I do read the comments is to see what others think and at times I want to comment but don’t because, if you have followed me at all, I’m honest with my words but I don’t think them through sometimes. By that I mean, though being honest and up front with my comment I could hurt someone inadvertently. And I don’t want to do that.

And it’s because I can actually hear the pain in their comment and it just breaks my heart, whether it be male or female comments. So instead of commenting I pray for them.

When I do comment it’s usually to say what an awesome post it is and thank them for sharing their thoughts.

So with all that said, allow me to ask a few questions….

When does the porn scene start?

Does it begin when she gets naked? Or does it really begin when the actual act of penetration begins?

When does the porn scene end?

Come on guys, be real, and admit it ends when the guy or guys have an orgasm.

Let me interject that, for me, they started when she took her clothes off and yes it ended when the man/men had orgasm.

Here in lies the problem of ONE of my hurts when it comes to reading comments. Some, not all, men who struggle with porn have a very hard time realizing that their spouse is not getting the full enjoyment from sex. Some are in such a rush to get to intercourse and the end result that they are, without realizing it, taking advantage of their wife. That may seem harsh but allow me to explain.

Your wife, the one woman you chose above all others, is a sexual being just like you. She deserves to feel as much pleasure out of making love as you, if not more. The reason I say more is because there is this amazing thing about women…they can have multiple orgasms in a row if we take the time to get her to that point.

And you can not get her to that point if you are thinking that making love to her is like a porn scene. You will not know what gets her to that point either if you don’t get to know what triggers her to get excited. Seeing you naked will not get her there. And, for most women, feeling you inside her will not get her there either. Plus, she wants to feel like she is actually involved in the act and not just laying there for you to get off.

Guys, let’s forget EVERYTHING porn has taught us!!

Take the time to actually get to know every inch of your spouses body. Touch every part and kiss every part…all the while with your eyes open to see her reactions. If she twitches or moans remember that spot and come back to it. Take your time.

Give her a full body massage with some flavored lotion and then follow it up with kisses.

There is more to your wife’s vagina than just her clitoris too. I know that is her main sensation spot but there is so much more to explore…so explore. Give her attention down there. Use your hands, your fingers, your tongue, and your mouth during foreplay.

Make love to her! Kiss her! Hold her the whole time. Let her know how much you love her by pleasing her to the max. Does she not deserve it? After all, she is your treasure from the Lord.

Her pleasure is just as important as yours. She craves your touch and affection. Give it freely.

Be her husband and lover. Let your scene begin when you touch each other and end when you both collapse after the most intimate, sensual, loving, pleasurable experience for the both of you.

 

I Just Write What God Places On My Heart

Tags

Blogs, Life, Marriage, Pornography, Recovery, Sex, Struggles, Testimony, Thoughts, Writing

I know I don’t have the most popular blog.

I don’t get many views or comments.

I do not use eloquent words when I write. I can, I just choose not too. I also know that I repeat myself several times over the course of writing.

What started off as a means of sharing with others my recovery from porn addiction and my mistakes at being a husband and father has turned into a blog of thoughts God places upon my heart.

I write about many different topics.

I share my daily struggle at times. I share my thoughts on sex, marriage, recovery and life.

I don’t want to talk about porn all the time because that is not who I am anymore. I still have a calling to help others get freedom their addiction/struggle. That will never go away. So I will still write about it.

I’m not a marriage blogger, per se, as you can tell from my posts. Yet, I have written some posts on marriage because I believe in God’s design for marriage and what it represents.

I have written about sex because…well…I love sex. I love the intimacy of it, the way it makes me feel and what it represents. It is so much more than just a quick release of tension or procreation.

I have written posts about my children and how I pray that they become what God created them to be and not what I want them to be, much less society.

I share testimonies from other men and woman. Why? Because they offer hope to anyone no matter the struggle!

I’m just me, I guess. Whatever God places on my heart for that day, moment or week is what I write about. I pray before I start writing and I pray before I post asking God to allow what I share to touch someone’s heart.

Occasionally I will get words of encouragement from readers and fellow bloggers. Sometimes people even like a post on my blog site or share it via social media to a friend. And for that I am thankful, honored and humbled.

Thank you, dear readers and friends for following along as I continue to write from my heart about God, marriage, struggles, recovery, life and yes…sex.

God Bless,
Stu

Be Watchful And Pray To Avoid Temptation

Tags

Depression, Integrity, Living Life On Life's Terms, Pornography, Prayer, Struggles, Temptation

The key, I have found out with my own recovery process, is being vigilant towards things that could be a temptation for me as well as praying when I am tempted.

I always have to be aware of my surroundings and that includes those that ARE around me. I see things a LOT differently than I did four or five years ago. I do not take those “double-takes” anymore because I know where my mind use to go when I did.

I am watchful of the things I watch on TV, as well as my phone and I have had to unfriend people on Facebook for the photos they were sharing. Just being watchful and diligent.

I also have to mindful of my words and how I react to others. I am normally a calm and quiet man but I do have a temper and if I let it loose I have no control over what comes out of my mouth.

And I must admit I was not so mindful the other day when I someone said something totally stupid. I kind of let them have it. Had to apologize later.

But…anyway…here is the one thing that has helped me the most.

Every night before bed I pray and ask the Lord to clear my mind of any unpure thoughts and allow me to go to sleep, because that was always the time when I was tempted to look at porn the most….when I was tired and couldn’t go to sleep. That, for me, was when my spirit was willing but my flesh wasn’t.

When depression sets in now I will turn on some music and pray, instead of resorting to my old habits.

Music is my therapy, as is writing here.

I do not know your struggles….maybe it is porn, anger, a sexless marriage, alcohol, drugs or over eating. But I do know, in order not to fall, you must be watchful and be mindful of who you allow in your circle and your surroundings. And for heaven’s sake pray when temptation comes.

Father,

May we be always aware of our surroundings. May we be careful about who we allow into our lives. Keep our hearts and minds pure. Give us the strength to be watchful, as it can be taxing. If we do fall and sin let us promptly ask for forgiveness. Keep us focused on working out our sanctification and break our hearts Father of what breaks yours.

Amen

 

Whether Right Of Wrong, You Make Your​ Own Choices

Tags

Accountability, Choices, Depression, God, Jesus Christ, Loneliness, Lust, Masturbation, Porn, Pornography, Self Medication, Sex

For so many years I held anger and resentment in my heart towards my dad. And it wasn’t even his fault. It was mine.

If you have spent anytime reading my blog you have ran across my testimony about my struggle with pornography. How I found it and how it affected me. I’ve never been upfront and honest where it actually took me…for that is even too dark for me to write about right now. Maybe one day…

But what I want to share with you right now is this…

Everything was my own personal choice.

I made the choice to go back and look at the Playboy magazine in the closet. And I chose to keep going back.

I made the choice to masturbate to it and others so many times.

And because I wanted to try what I saw in the videos, after I graduated from magazines, I chose to have sex way before I should have.

I chose to allow it to become my go to method for coping with loneliness, boredom, depression and anything else that was hurting me. I chose to watch and go to another place.

The sad thing is… pornography lead to more loneliness, more depression, guilt, shame and a deviant lifestyle. Just one of those can make you feel as if God doesn’t love you, but to combine them all together…yeah. My eyes became clouded to the truth.

My heart became nothing more than a hardened shell for years. Those years of not allowing anyone in and never sharing what I was truly dealing with…with anyone, including my wife at the time finally took its toll.

I broke down one night and asked to forgive me. I was the true definition of the prodigal son. You know what my Father did? He ran to me with arms open wide saying I forgive you my child and I do love you.

From that moment on I fought hard to be free from porn and to become a new creation by renewing my mind. I have found freedom. BUT, I did slip a few times during that journey.

I made the wrong choices then…now I’m trying to make the right choices.

Now, when I am lonely I make the choice to reach out to a friend and talk.

When I am tempted I make the choice to pray friend and then reach out until I the desire fades.

This holds true for all my struggles now. Instead of choosing to watch porn to self-medicate I chose to reach out.

I chose to read God’s Word.

I have made the choice to go to Celebrate Recovery again after not going for two years. I NEED it.

I chose to be an accountability partner for others who are struggling.

I chose now to be open and honest about my past, in hopes that it can possibly deter someone from making the same mistakes I made or worse.

If you are struggling with anything, please know that you are NOT alone. There IS hope!

It’s found in a relationship with God through Jesus Christ and in His forgiveness and love.

 

Your Spouse Needs An Outlet To Heal

Tags

Addiction, Honesty, Loss of Trust, Love, Pornography, Resentment, Sexual Integrity, Walk In Freedom

Dear addict,

I understand wanting to keep the “secret” within the confounds of your marriage. You don’t want anyone to know about it..I get it.

But, please do not put that stress on your spouse. It will slowly destroy them, possibly your marriage and your relationship with your children if you have any.

The pain and loss of trust is too much to hold in and not reap resentment, which leads to more pain and more loss of trust. Your spouse needs an outlet…a trustworthy friend to share this with, in order to truly heal.

And honestly, and I believe you will agree, if you are an addict; your addiction to whatever is unmanageable, you really do care about the pain your spouse feels but you just don’t understand it.

Express what you are going through openly and honestly with your spouse. Yes, this will hurt. But, this will help rebuild some of the trust you have lost.

Let them know you want to stop and do whatever it takes to recover that trust you have lost, to heal the pain you have inflicted through your addiction and your actions.

Allow them to heal by not only expressing their feelings with you but also with someone else or a close group of friends. Someone you both trust, someone who will pray with your spouse, pray for both of you to heal and pray for your recovery.

Love in Christ,

Stu