Dear Hollywood, That Is Not How It Works

Dear Hollywood,

Would you please stop giving young men and women the wrong impression on sex?

Maybe your screen writers are living out their sexual fantasies through the scripts for a certain scene, which by the way was not even needed in the film…but hey, sex sells. But if you are going to have those sensual scenes at least portray them correctly.

If you have ever had sex, you know darn well that you can not simply pin a woman to the wall, kiss each other while stripping clothes off, fall onto the bed and expect to have her juices flowing so you can slide in with unexplainable ease and have her sighing and moaning with an orgasm in a three to five-minute romp. Well….ok there are a few…but not for the other, I would guess, 98% of women.

Hey, I get it though. Those passionate yet urgent, I must have you NOW, quickies can be freaking amazing and they can be the way they are portrayed in film…sometimes, but for the most part that is not how it works. And you know it! So stop selling lies!

I know no one in Hollywood will read my blog…a guy can dream of sex being portrayed correctly…right?!?

I mean come on!!! How many of you ladies agree?

Guys, allow me to be frank here for a bit.

Most women will not have their juices going just by your touch, your kiss or the fact that you gave her oral for a minute or two. It is not how many licks does it take…1…2…and boom they’re ready for action, like porn makes us believe.

Not every women can have an orgasm via vaginal intercourse. Some will not have one, no matter what you try. I know…sad…but true.

And I believe part of the problem is how media portrays sex.

Both the mainstream and porn give men and women an image that both genders are always ready. They are not.

Guys are visual beings. Women are emotional beings when it comes to sex, for the most part.

If you want that romp I mentioned above, then you must be intentional. You must communicate throughout the day. Start with a good morning hug or kiss right after waking up. Kiss and hug her good-bye before you leave for work.

Send those, what most men call “not on my priority list” text messages throughout the day. Let her know how much you love her, miss her and want her. She not only wants to know you desire her…she NEEDS to know you do.

And even if you do all those things…that romp may not happen. You may get to pin her to the wall when you get home. And she may kiss you with all the passion she has. Then the dishwasher goes off or the dryer beeps. Or maybe the baby starts crying. Things happen.

Be intentional. Either kiss her deeply and say that can wait or help with whatever needs to be done so her mind can focus on the moment and not on all the things that still need to be done.

You do not see that on the big screen! Big screen is fantasy and we live in the real world.

But sadly because of media a lot of young women feel that they should be ready at the drop of a hat and when it doesn’t happen they can start to have unwarranted self-esteem issues. Men, there are a some low drive women out there that feel something is actually wrong with them because they are not ready to go when you are.


Porn gives both men and women the impression that men can get it up, keep it up and go for what seems forever. That it is lie. Those scenes are edited to a loop. I’m NOT saying go and watch a porn flick to prove me wrong or right. I’m just telling it like it is. But that 30 minute video scene, which by the way took hours to shoot, has been edited to show certain “shots” over and over.

And surprise…

There are men out there who can not have an orgasm through vaginal penetration. I know… weird…but true.

And if your man has ever watched porn he has expectations on himself based on what he has viewed. If he doesn’t perform to those levels he may see himself as a failure as a lover.

And for some men if they can not get you to have an orgasm they will feel the same way. That is a total mind monster, in and of itself, that could cause his manhood to not work all the time. The mind can be a very painful adversary.

Something else that Hollywood never shows…the realness of sex, including its triumphs and struggles.

Yes, orgasms are awesome! Sex is amazing! But, honestly, it’s really not about either. It’s about enjoying that moment together, however long or short, bonding physically, emotionally and spiritually.

I say let’s forget what the mainstream and porn has to say about sex!

I know I kind of got on a soapbox and away from the main point of the lies of Hollywood. My bad. But, I think I always do when it comes to the topic of sex. To me it is one of the greatest gifts God has given us and I literally despise how it is portrayed in the media. I do not like seeing it tainted.

I want men to understand the true treasure they have when the love of their life has sex with them. I want the same for women.

Okay, yeah..could go on a tangent. I’m stopping now.

Hey guys, you really should go check out this great post by Sheila over at To Love, Honor and Vacuum entitled 10 Ways Hollywood Warps Our Expectations About Sex. Really good points. I completely agree with her!!

Here’s another great post Sheila did on how mainstream messes us up at times. A quote from Sheila for you…

Most of all: don’t let the media tell you what your relationship should be like.

Julie at Intimacy In Marriage gives us 5 Fabulous Truths About Sex That You Won’t See In A Romantic Movie. And they are all so true, especially number 5.

For those wondering why the 1…2…and boom she’s ready doesn’t work among other things in reference to oral sex including orgasms Julie has provided us with a resource page chocked full of info. Go ahead and look. I know you want too 🙂

Chris from The forgive Wife gives an open and honest look at how our sex drives defer from that of mainstream media and yes, even our spouse in this post where she states…

I thought my sexuality was supposed to look like what I had seen in my husband, in movies, and in magazines.

16 thoughts on “Dear Hollywood, That Is Not How It Works”

  1. As a woman, I think there is a lot of variation in how women view sex that might not portrayed accurately in the movies, but isn’t portrayed accurately in some Christian marriage resources either.
    For instance, most women I know have a visual nature, and like a man who makes an effort with his appearance. But according to some Christian conventional wisdom the approach is that the women needs to not let herself go with no real focus on the man.
    I’m not saying what any man should or should not do but simply getting rid of the unkempt beard would go far in improving any man’s appearance.
    In either Hollywood or Christian conventional wisdom there is very little attention to what can enhance a woman’s sexual desire, or decrease it. For me a real desire killer is fatigue, but there is a lot of messages out there physiology doesn’t matter, you can just magically power through it.
    Feeling respected is very important also.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Very true K. Fatique can play a major role for bother genders, but I believe more so with women. I believe that most men do not realize that.

      I’ve never understood that double standard on being well groomed and dressed nice.

      Thank you for your comment. I really appreciate you voicing your thoughts.


  2. Stu,
    I love this post, and took two specific quotes and put them out on my social media. Thank you for your brutal (and refreshing) honesty. Yes, being pinned up against a wall is a wonderful, passionate moment…but life rarely works out like that. And even less rarely, am I ready for that moment in our intimate life. Dinner has to be fixed, there’s ALWAYS laundry and dishes and children and cleaning that has to be done that distracts from the moment.

    I completely agree that Hollywood takes over the expectations and forces a fake reality on men and women. True “sexiness” is not some hot-fantasy based moment. It’s the love and caring throughout the day. The flirty texts, washing the dishes, changing the baby’s diaper, cleaning the toilet, all the while saying “Honey, I love you, tell me about your day” and really listening to my heart. That is what binds the marriage together; not some made-up fantasy ~ Johanna

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Johanna for sharing with your readers! I greatly appreciate your comment! I couldn’t agree more. Sadly so many marriages miss out on the little, yet very big things that are sexy.


  3. Im impressed, I must say. Really rarely do I encounter a blog thats both educative and entertaining, and let me tell you, you have hit the nail on the head. Your idea is outstanding; the issue is something that not enough people are speaking intelligently about. I am very happy that I stumbled across this in my search for something relating to this.


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