You know what? The Bible tells us that we are to love others as we love ourselves. This has always bothered me for years, because I have I always felt I loved others. Yet, there are days I don’t even like myself.
Tonight, I found out the real reason.
Through an invite from a dear friend I went to a concert tonight. And what I am about to share with you, I haven’t even shared with the friend who invited me…yet.
Eddie James, who was in concert tonight, was on stage speaking and said something that just….well…shook me. He said that if you are still feeling shame from your past then you truly can’t love yourself. He had used that verse from Matthew as a reference.
When I look into the mirror, though I am forgiven by God, I see a stranger. Not all the time…just sometimes. And on those occasions I see a fallen man. A man, who has done a bunch of stupid stuff he is not proud of. A man, who allowed himself to be put in situations he never dreamed he would be in. A man, who still feels shame and guilt for the things he has done or said.
I couldn’t love me for me because I couldn’t ever TRULY forgive myself.
But you know what? Tonight, I laid all that shame and guilt down. I lifted my hands in praise and just said take it! I don’t wait to carry it anymore.
I can truly say I am walking in freedom now and not just from porn and alcohol but from the chains I kept on myself.
You know what else? It feels so good.