This is something that has been on my heart for a while now guys and honestly, I may lose some followers after this post or I may gain a few.
I have been a recovering porn addict for almost six years now and through my various ministries on social media have had many wives reach out to me with questions. Many of them have shared their pain, their hurt and their stories with me.
I knew what viewing porn did to me spiritually, physically and mentally but my wife at the time never opened up to me as to what it did to her. She never shared with me the hurt and pain till much later. And hearing these stories from wives tears me up I tell you.
For a while I thought I was the only one hearing these stories because when I started blogging not too many others were truly speaking out against pornography per se.
It’s cool that now more bloggers are speaking out against porn. Many of these bloggers are ones that I personally follow, so of course I will read their post. Sometimes I read the comments and sometimes I don’t depending on the topic. (Sorry guys, just being honest.)
The reason I do read the comments is to see what others think and at times I want to comment but don’t because, if you have followed me at all, I’m honest with my words but I don’t think them through sometimes. By that I mean, though being honest and up front with my comment I could hurt someone inadvertently. And I don’t want to do that.
And it’s because I can actually hear the pain in their comment and it just breaks my heart, whether it be male or female comments. So instead of commenting I pray for them.
When I do comment it’s usually to say what an awesome post it is and thank them for sharing their thoughts.
So with all that said, allow me to ask a few questions….
When does the porn scene start?
Does it begin when she gets naked? Or does it really begin when the actual act of penetration begins?
When does the porn scene end?
Come on guys, be real, and admit it ends when the guy or guys have an orgasm.
Let me interject that, for me, they started when she took her clothes off and yes it ended when the man/men had orgasm.
Here in lies the problem of ONE of my hurts when it comes to reading comments. Some, not all, men who struggle with porn have a very hard time realizing that their spouse is not getting the full enjoyment from sex. Some are in such a rush to get to intercourse and the end result that they are, without realizing it, taking advantage of their wife. That may seem harsh but allow me to explain.
Your wife, the one woman you chose above all others, is a sexual being just like you. She deserves to feel as much pleasure out of making love as you, if not more. The reason I say more is because there is this amazing thing about women…they can have multiple orgasms in a row if we take the time to get her to that point.
And you can not get her to that point if you are thinking that making love to her is like a porn scene. You will not know what gets her to that point either if you don’t get to know what triggers her to get excited. Seeing you naked will not get her there. And, for most women, feeling you inside her will not get her there either. Plus, she wants to feel like she is actually involved in the act and not just laying there for you to get off.
Guys, let’s forget EVERYTHING porn has taught us!!
Take the time to actually get to know every inch of your spouses body. Touch every part and kiss every part…all the while with your eyes open to see her reactions. If she twitches or moans remember that spot and come back to it. Take your time.
Give her a full body massage with some flavored lotion and then follow it up with kisses.
There is more to your wife’s vagina than just her clitoris too. I know that is her main sensation spot but there is so much more to explore…so explore. Give her attention down there. Use your hands, your fingers, your tongue, and your mouth during foreplay.
Make love to her! Kiss her! Hold her the whole time. Let her know how much you love her by pleasing her to the max. Does she not deserve it? After all, she is your treasure from the Lord.
Her pleasure is just as important as yours. She craves your touch and affection. Give it freely.
Be her husband and lover. Let your scene begin when you touch each other and end when you both collapse after the most intimate, sensual, loving, pleasurable experience for the both of you.
Guys, check out this great post by J over at Hot, Holy & Humorous entitled 5 Questions to Ask about Your Sexual Intimacy. Actually, there are valid points for both genders in reference to sexual intimacy within marriage.