I understand wanting to keep the “secret” within the confounds of your marriage. You don’t want anyone to know about it..I get it.
But, please do not put that stress on your spouse. It will slowly destroy them, possibly your marriage and your relationship with your children if you have any.
The pain and loss of trust is too much to hold in and not reap resentment, which leads to more pain and more loss of trust. Your spouse needs an outlet…a trustworthy friend to share this with, in order to truly heal.
And honestly, and I believe you will agree, if you are an addict; your addiction to whatever is unmanageable, you really do care about the pain your spouse feels but you just don’t understand it.
Express what you are going through openly and honestly with your spouse. Yes, this will hurt. But, this will help rebuild some of the trust you have lost.
Let them know you want to stop and do whatever it takes to recover that trust you have lost, to heal the pain you have inflicted through your addiction and your actions.
Allow them to heal by not only expressing their feelings with you but also with someone else or a close group of friends. Someone you both trust, someone who will pray with your spouse, pray for both of you to heal and pray for your recovery.
Love in Christ,