Not All Words Spoken Should Be Paid Attention To

Tags

Anger, Ecclesiastes 7:21, Resentment, Self-Worth, Words

There have been so many times in my life where this verse should have applied in my life.

By applying this I would have not had so much stress, anger, resentment and self-worth issues.

Somethings we hear should just go through one ear and out the other without stopping in our brain to be processed at all. Now, I’m not saying to ignore someone but some words just do not need to linger. And they sure as heck do not need to be stuck in a box to pondered on later.
 
That was and still is, to a point,  my issue in life. You can affirm me to the point where I’m ecstatic, but if one word in there even remotely references me in any way shape or form in a negative manner I concentrate on that one word and forget all the good stuff you put before it.
 
My girlfriend I had last year would do this to me. Not all the time mind you but enough. And she knew that words of affirmation was one of my love languages since we took the test together.
 
My ex-wife would do it and still does.
 
Friends will do it sometimes.
 
Co-workers do it.
 
Family​ members sneak one in on occasion.
 
These words hurt or make me angry, but if I can get to the point where I do not hear ALL the words spoken I will be better off.
 
What about you? Should you take this verse and heed it your own life? I’m sure there are some words your spouse said or a co-worker said that maybe you should have let just go in one ear and out the other ear without even bothering with them.
 
For our own sake and sanity I believe we should apply this verse in our lives daily. But alas…many times the, be a doer of the Word IS a lot harder than being a hearer of the WORD.
 
As for me, I am going to try my hardest to apply this to my life.

Do Not Let The Sun Go Down On Your Anger

Tags

Anger, Ephesians 4:26, Expectations, Husband, Life, Marriage, Recovery, Relationships, Sexual Sin, Struggles, Walls, Wife

Many marriages are in danger today.

When a spouse says they do not love you anymore it is because they have been hurt by their spouse. K, I get that. Been there done that.

But, in my opinion, a lot of that hurt is self inflicted though. And here is why. You are hurt by your spouse, for whatever reason..sexual sin, failure to live up to your expectations..whatever it doesn’t matter. Your feeling anger and resentment and building your walls, while your spouse is more than likely recovering from something you did to hurt them. Again doesn’t matter.

What matters is that you let the sun go down on your anger. Instead of saying honey, I’m sorry I screwed up..will you forgive me?… you allowed those feelings to fester in your heart and the longer you allow that to happen the worse it gets.

As husband and wife, we must work together to make the marriage work. It takes patience, integrity, forgiveness and the love of Christ…daily.

We can not allow the enemy a foothold in the door of our marriages. Seek forgiveness daily from your spouse. Before you pray at night ask your spouse if there was anything I did today that hurt you. Then apologize, so I AM sorry, will you forgive me.

Words

Tags

Anger, God, Jesus Christ, Love, Pain, Relationship with Jesus, Struggles, Suffering, Words Spoken

Words…

Do we truly understand their meaning?

Do we understand how they work?

Do we realize their power?

Do we truly, and I mean truly, understand that they can either tear someone down to the point of suicide or bring them out of their pit?

Do we realize that the spoken word can literally break someone’s heart or give the life?

Now, I know I have written several times on the power of words and word play but because I keep hearing from people who had words spoken to them as a child and have carried them to adulthood I must keep bringing this to the light.

I have several female friends. They are my sisters in Christ and I love them dearly but they have no joy…if you will. Growing up they had bad words spoken into their life over and over again that they were either worthless, overweight, not pretty, a slut and some I will not say. Most of these women have amazing careers, are amazingly beautiful and have wonderful husbands that speak positive words into their lives but because of the past they will NOT let the positive in because they feel they are either lying to make them feel good or nuts. They just don’t believe them to be true no matter how sincere the husband is or anyone else for that matter.

And I have several male friends who have had bad words spoken into their lives as well. They have been called worthless, overweight, a$$hole, disgusting, gay and several others that I will not mention here as well. These men also have wives that speak positive words into their lives but, once again, because of the past they feel that they are either lying to make them feel good or crazy.

I personally have been called several of those words. I have great friends that build me up but I also have some great friends who tear me down though, I believe, unintentional. Right now, for me, it is the unintentional ones that hurt me the most because I know these friends love me deeply. It’s just that they are hurting and lash out. I can be on cloud nine one minute and then shot down to below sea level with one phrase. It hurts.

And because of their words there are times when I feel as if I am either not worthy or will never be good enough. Depression does set in on occasion. Sometimes it does take some time to get back up to cloud nine again…but enough about me…I’ll be fine.

What about the words spoken into the lives of our young people who grow up to still believe those bad words? What can be done for the beautiful young lady who only sees the flaws someone else told she has? What about the young man who was called gay when he starts to question his sexuality? What about the ones called worthless who feel that they do not deserve the love of another, the love of God or that good paying job? How do we help the ones who were called overweight and either have become just that or they don’t eat enough to actually be healthy? What about that young lady that was called a slut who slept around just because she didn’t care anymore?

Is pointing them to Christ enough? I would love to say YES! But I can’t say that in good conscious.

Would speaking positive words into their lives help? I can’t say that either. I’ve tried that one and it really didn’t work. I had a dear friend tell me once that IF you tell your wife that she is beautiful every day for years she may eventually start to believe you.

Healing can take place once someone comes into contact with the saving grace of God through Christ. When they find who they are in Christ wonderful things can happen as well. Changes will begin to take place from the inside out. I know this one to be true!

Healing can also take place when positive words are spoken into their life. I have seen lives changed by just a little loving word.

But there is another component I believe that needs to be involved and that is how we treat someone.

I believe that if said person has found who they are in Christ, has positive words spoken into their life and has someone who treats them with respect and love it can make ALL the difference. When a woman hears the words “You are beautiful” and then actually sees it in your eyes and you touch her lovingly while telling her or kissing her she will start to believe that she is indeed beautiful.

When someone finds their worth in Christ and hears you tell them that you love them and it shows in your actions they will in turn begin to feel worthy of the love and care you give them.

A lot of this can be solved before it actually takes place. And that starts with the children in our lives.

Dads, are we telling our princess how pretty she is?

Moms, are you telling your little prince how handsome he is?

When our children do something great are we complimenting them on their achievement? Are we telling them of their true worth? Are we explaining to them that their bodies are precious and should not just be handed over to another person due to peer pressure?

If not..we should be! It is time to begin correctly, with positive words and to help heal the older ones who have suffered due to words spoken into their lives in the past.

God Bless guys,

Stu

Are You Willing?

Tags

Accountabilty, Addiction, Alcoholism, Anger, Christian Suffering, Daily Prayer, Depression, Drug Addiction, Drugs, God, Jesus, Pornography

To me one of the only ways to overcome any addiction is with help from another. Why God always some people to become free and stay free after repentance is beyond my understanding.

I’ve heard stories and have talked with people one on one who have had such freedom…but they are few and far between. That is why I believe freedom comes from the help and support of others. Men and women who have gone through the same issues and struggles…or are going through them but have success in staying clean.

Are YOU one of these type of people? Have you had success dealing with your addiction? Are you walking in freedom?

If so…are you willing…

Are you willing to take up the mantle of mentor or accountability partner?

Are you willing to actually go that extra step to help someone?

Are you willing to ask the hard questions that you yourself dealt with?

Are you willing to allow yourself to become accessible?

Are you willing to share your story to help another?

If so…allow me the honor of saying thank you!

Right now there are literally thousands of men and women wanting freedom from drugs, alcohol, pornography, sex addiction, anger and resentment issues and a whole slew of other issues life presents us with.

And you dear friend could and should offer them hope.

We are called to love one another in a Christ like love. Now that type of love is not a selfish love that says look what I have done.

Christ exhibited His love for mankind by pointing to the Father. And ultimately dying an excruciating death on the cross to show us that love. That while we were yet sinners..Christ died for us. That we might be forgiven of our sins and have a relationship with the Father. He sacrificially gave of himself.

We should be willing to do the same. Will God ask you to die for someone while you are helping them gain freedom? Probably not…BUT He will ask you to die of yourself. Because when you take on the responsibility of an accountability partner you are in essence giving of yourself sacrificially.

You will be giving of your time. The one commodity that can not be gotten back when lost. Yes, you will lose several hours in a week from talking, praying and crying with or over someone. But the reward for doing just that is far more precious than those few hours lost.

There have been many times where I will get a text or a phone call and my heart breaks because the person on the other end tells me they have fallen and watched porn or went out and had too many drinks. I will talk with them for a while, offer some advice or scripture, and then pray for them after the call or while I am on the phone with them. Yeah, I lost some of MY time but I gain so much more.

I remember my struggle with drinking and porn. I remember the yearning to drink and watch. I remember the withdrawals and what they felt like. But I also remember the joy of NOT drinking or looking at porn. I know the freedom!

I have to share. It is my calling!

I know that you dear friend remember what it was like being trapped and then being free. That freedom must be shared. Give of your time, your tears, your life all the while pointing them to Christ through love. Love them and give of yourself.

Be willing dear friend!

God Bless,

Stu

Dear Friend…I Have Been There

Tags

Alcoholism, Anger, Daily Prayer, God, Holy Spirit, Jesus Christ, Pornography, Sinfulness, Words Spoken

Dear friend,

I just want you to know that I have been there. I also understand that each story is different, though they are all filled with some hurt and disappointment.

I was that child that, despite many friends, was still lonely.

I was that kid who was very sexually curious.

I was that young adult who let that curiosity take him places he should not have gone.

I was that child who was molested…sadly. No child should EVER have to fall victim for someone else’s sin.

I was that teenager who could not figure out if he was gay or straight.

I was that young Christian who really did not understand what it meant to follow the REAL Christ and went astray.

I was the new husband who did not know what it meant to be one, in mind, body and soul, with my wife and made a lot of mistakes.

I was that new daddy who tried as hard as he could not to let his temper flare and be the “bad” dad…and…yet I did. I will remember the look on my daughter’s face the first time I yelled at her for the rest of my life. The hurt I saw in her eyes will forever be etched in my memory.

I was that husband who watched his marriage fall apart and let thoughts of suicide creep in.

And yet…..

I am the man who sought God!

God forever changed me from the inside.

I am the broken and sinful man who found forgiveness through Jesus Christ, the Son of my Creator.

God, through the shed blood of Christ has forgiven me of my sexual activities, my addiction to porn and alcohol, the bad words I said to others..as well as the ones I called myself, my anger and resentment towards my dad and a slew of other offenses.

I know what it is like to have victory one minute and total defeat the next. I know the ups and downs of trying to clean your life up. I’ve been on top of the mountain and in the deepest darkest hole imaginable.

Yet through it all God has held my hand and kept me from going back to my past lifestyles.

Do I still want to drink? Yes…I do and have. Just not in excess! I know my limits. I think my total drinking has been maybe five times in eleven years.

Do I still look at porn? I HATE porn and yet..the urge is still there. I’m not gonna lie…I have fallen several times in the last four years. That first year was hard!

Even now it is hard sometimes to say no when the stress and loneliness takes its toll.

Does my anger rear its ugly head? Yes, but for the most part I walk away, take a breather and then carry on the conversation with whomever or address my children.

As you can see my life has been a journey to say the least. It still is. It is just that my journey now is a renewal process. I am becoming righteous, working out my own salvation with the help of the Holy Spirit.

I hope you can see that I am no longer the person of old, though occasionally it does rear it’s ugly sinful head. I’m a sinner who has found forgiveness.

My prayer for you dear friend is that you will diligently seek God as I have. That you will follow the real Christ and allow the Holy Spirit to move in your life.

If you would like help along your journey please know that I am here for you. I will pray for you. I will pray with you. I am only an email away at stubaby777@gmail. I am also on Facebook and Twitter.  You can message me there as well.

God Bless,
Stu