Code Purple: The Empty Nest

Here is the devotional:

Today’s CODE PURPLE is talking about your kids moving out.

This one may hurt a little bit as we are going through it right now. My youngest son is getting married in less than 2 months, and my oldest son looks to be on the same path soon after.

We homeschooled our boys, and since we own our own business, the boys grew up interning with us. Then they liked what we do (Studio490 Creative Services and Uncommen) and chose college degrees to work with us full-time. I always tease that we are just like Duck Dynasty without the beards or money. All that to say, we are a very close group that enjoys each others company.

So when my youngest son said, “Dad, I’m getting married” it was like a time-warp. Remembering him as a baby and now seeing him as a man all at once was a little strange. It took me about 2 minutes to wrap my head around the idea and start asking questions. My wife took longer than 2 minutes.

Our daughter-to-be is a beautiful Godly young woman with all kinds of talent and creative gifts. So, it’s easy to love her and love the idea of both of them getting married. But some couples would say, “now what do we do?”. Dana and I always make time for each other as one of our Love Languages is “quality time together.”

If you wait until your children move out of the house to try to reconnect with your wife, you may find it a struggle. It may come across as, “now that the kids are gone I have time for you.” Invest in the relationship that started everything for you both. Make a date night to go to dinner or out to have coffee. Or even just take walks getting to know each other again. But do it before your nest is empty, and your transition will be more natural.

Uncommen Questions:

Do you put your children ahead of your marriage? You shouldn’t be.

What do you and your wife do to keep your relationship healthy?

Uncommen Challenge:

Invest in your marriage before your children leave the house. Choose a one date night each week to spend time together without your children. It could be dinner, coffee, walks, marriage study, workout together, etc.

Here are the scriptures referenced:

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
Genesis 2:24 KJV

Here are Stu’s thoughts:

Let’s see🤔 This one sort of has me stumped and yet I do have thoughts since I am a single parent who has his son stay with him most weekends😊

One gets married seeing a future with the one they love for the rest of their life.

Wife says I am pregnant and you jump for joy, you cry happy emotional tears, and then spend the next eight or nine months rubbing her belly and feeling the baby move.

You prepare for the birth of your child wth everything they may need. Most of us go way overboard with that, but that is part of the experience of having a child.

Then it becomes a rat race with house cleaning and making the house child safe, fixing the food, washing the over abundance of clothes, work, school, homework, bedtime stories, recitals, plays, sports, teaching them how to be people and a whole freaking host of other things! It is no wonder that couples lose sight of the original reason they got married in the first place.

Children can and more often than not take precedence over our spouse and this honestly should have never be allowed to happen. But I totally understand because I did it. (That was one of my mistakes)

Then there is your spouse who needs you but the children come first as they are more demanding. So you put off that conversation, that date night, that getaway vacation of just the two of you to reconnect and bond together and yes you put off having sex with your spouse for numerous reasons.

Then comes to the time when the kids go off to college. When the last child leaves what do you do?

One quarter, usually, of your life was spent just learning how to be a person. Then you fall in love and get married and have children.

Half of your life is gone and those children are now on their own. You are now left with just your spouse and you in the home that seems so silent and lonely.

Then many marriages either fall apart or struggle to get to know one another again. It shouldn’t be this way but sadly for the most part I believe I am correct with that statement.

At this point many couples do not really know each other. Things change over time. Dreams get put to the side for the sake of the children or spouse.

Sexually speaking many things have changed over the years What use to work as a sure fire turn on for your spouse no longer has the same effect. Sex, if put on the back burner for years becomes a very hard and awkward thing as the body ages. Things change and if you did not stay connected while the kids were home your marriage bed will greatly suffer.

If you put off truly communicating with each other due to whatever reason you have then when the kids are gone that house will be silent…

Dear married couple,

Never put your children above your spouse as this can cause major problems now and more so later.

Always find time to talk with each other and not just about the kids.

Continue dating even with the ring on. Go out to dinner. Take in those movies. Get a freaking babysitter and spend quality time together.

Never put sex with your spouse on the back burner. Always make time for adult time.

Here is your list…

God first.

Spouse second.

Children third.

Work fourth.

Everything else follows when time permits including watching your favorite team play.