Here is the devotional:
Yep, we’re talking about sex.
As a teenager, I thought that when I got married, we’d have sex every day. It was probably the hormones of a teenager talking, but that is what I thought. After all, my wife and I both waited to have sex with each other until we were married. Life is a funny thing and many times stranger than fiction.
I heard an older gentleman tell a group of people, to put two pennies in a jar each time you have sex the first year of marriage. In the second year on, take one out each time you have sex. I assume this was his way of saying it’s going to taper off over time.
Since people almost set aside time to worry on purpose, it’s no wonder that we are distracted most of the time. Anxiety, work, money, sleep, insecurity, health, kids are just a few reasons a husband and wife may not be having the intimate time they need with each other.
I know as a man, the longer I go without being intimate with my wife, the more temptations show up. Men are wired so different that it even takes us off guard sometimes. To help women understand the mind of a man here is an example. If you eat lunch before you go grocery shopping, you usually only buy what you’ve put on your list. If you don’t eat at all that day or maybe even the day or two before, you are going to be wanting to put all kinds of crazy things in the basket. I need these twinkies! Ohhhh look, double fried gristle logs. I’ve been meaning to get some of these.
I love the verse here because Paul understands it’s not good to deprive one another. The word deprive tells you that intimacy is needed.
Your wife may be approaching this topic much the same way you are. Men think that women never think of sex and want sex. That is not true. It’s important to make time for each other and to speak about setting aside time for intimacy.
Would you say you and your wife on always on the same page when it comes to sex?
When was the last time you and your wife had a conversation about sex that didn’t start off with…are we ever going to have sex again?
If you find the world closing in on your intimacy, start to have date nights. Do something together as a couple that ends with intimacy. Maybe a weekend getaway is just what the doctor ordered; the love doctor that is!
Here are the scriptures referenced:
Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
1 Corinthians 7:5 KJV
Here are Stu’s thoughts:
Once I saw the Hubba Hubba I knew what the topic would be about. I have used that phrase a few times myself especially following Angie around the grocery store. Shhh…she doesn’t know I said that! But hey she’s fine and knows that I follow behind her on purpose sometimes. The other times we are usually holding hands while walking.
But anyway…let’s get started. First off I enjoy reading pastors and other bloggers thoughts on sex in marriage. And I would say that I can agree with about 60% of what I read. Shocker right?
It’s like the author noted up above in his attempt to explain a man’s brain without sex. I don’t agree with it. That is putting unnecessary pressure on the wife to have what I call duty sex just to keep her husband from shopping around. Plus it also telling women that a husband is always on the prowl for anything sexual related. Both are wrong!
About the only thing I found right is that it is not good to withhold sex from each other.
Did you also notice he really did not talk about sex but rather the lack there of🤔
There are several reasons God created our sexual parts to fit together. One is to have children. One is the bonding of the two of you. And the other is for pleasure.
Now men, just because your wife says no to any advance you make does NOT mean she does not want it. It could be she is not feeling well at that moment, she is tired from working and doing housework, she doesn’t like you today, etc. There are many reason for a not right now, maybe later or even a no.
And if you haven’t figured it out let me lay it out there. Saying let’s have sex does not get a woman aroused at that moment. Well…it does work on a few. You have to have some foreplay and I’m not even talking sexual.
Guys, did you know that some women get turned on while watching their husband help with the housework? It’s true!
Did you even greet her with a kiss when you came home or did you just empty your pockets, sit in your chair and turn the tv on? If you did the latter shame on you. You missed part of the foreplay.
Guys, you should also know it can take a while for a woman to become aroused. What are you waiting for?
And even if she still says not tonight. Suck it up, don’t be walking around pouting like a child that lost his favorite toy! That makes you look stupid. Unless you are doing it in a joking manner and she knows it.
Sex in marriage can fall off as the stressors of married life take hold.
Heck some women have higher sex drives than their husband and the husband says no because he’s too stressed out from work, money and other matters.
But the truth behind sex in marriage is communication outside off those three letters.
If you are not communicating outside the bedroom I know dang well you are not IN the bedroom.
Open and honest conversation about sex can very well be vital. What if your wife is experiencing pain through vaginal intercourse and that is the reason for her nos. But how would you know if you are not communicating properly!
She’s not going to just blurt out to you tore my vaginal wall last time we had sex in conversation if all you do is complain about not getting any. She will remain silent and distant. There must a loving atmosphere for her to feel comfortable to tell you.
There is nothing wrong with talking about sex in your marriage with each other. You can’t be nervous…heck you’ve seen everything. There is nothing to hide.
I will say that sadly some marriage go months without bonding together through sex. That’s a shame😢
Doing so hurts your marriage in more ways than many know.
So come together often. Pray about it. Don’t think for one minute that you and your wife can not go to God and pray about your sex life. He created you, He knows you better than you know yourself and He’s seen you having sex anyway. So pray dang it!
Men, there is this stigma surrounding us that we are just like dogs looking for the next piece of action and we are always in lust mode. We need to change this!
If your wife is not giving you anything sexually DOES NOT mean that’s it’s your right to look elsewhere! PERIOD! You made a commitment to God and your wife. Keep that marriage bed sacred!
Now ladies, I guess maybe you thought I forgot about getting to ya’ll…I didn’t.
God designed us men to bond with the woman we are having sex with. So some times we men are missing the bonding time more than the actual sex itself.
Sometimes, even if you are not in the mood go ahead and say yes. Shock him and yourself. You may find yourself becoming aroused just because you just aroused him.
If you have the higher sex drive and he says no…hold to your vows as well. Keep your marriage bed sacred!
Now, there is such a thing as a sex addict and it can carry over into marriage especially if you have a lot of sex in the beginning. And it can be either gender. I’ve been with female sex addicts before. I know how it is men, because I am one. I’m just a single one that chooses not to indulge.
But if your spouse is saying no a lot don’t resort to self gratification. It will only hurt you. Now if your spouse assists that’s different.
If you feel you can not control the urge seek counseling for crying out loud. Counseling is expensive I know but a lot cheaper than divorce, a broken family and guilt.
P.S. Full body massages do wonders for helping in the getting in the mood aspect. But you can also do such a great job they fall asleep. Don’t get mad just enjoy the view and lay down beside them, whisper I love you and give thanks to the Lord for your blessings.
I hope this helps someone who is struggling with sex in marriage. I am by no means a therapist I’m just a Christian man that has no fear when it comes to speaking about sex.