Code Purple: Two Ears One Mouth

Here is the devotional:

It’s the overlap of blue and pink. It’s where men and women interact with each other in a way that may be different than the way they are used to. The blue man shows up to hear the problem, dole out a fix and get back to the game. The pink woman shows up with emotions to spare and wants you to listen to her, and the issue at hand. Where they overlap is what we call… CODE PURPLE. 

My wife and I started to refer to this term when we seem to be coming to a topic from entirely different angles. Sometimes that is an excellent thing as it allows the strengths of both to shine. Sometimes it’s an alert to check your motives, and sometimes it’s a “Watch out, Jack!”.

Let every person be quick to hear.

When was the last time you showed up to a conversation with the intent to listen? Listening is an art form that is completely underrated in our society and apparently in our marriages as well. People hate silence and feel the need to chatter, over explain and talk over the other person in the conversation. They don’t care about what you have to say, they want to tell you what is on their mind.

Slow to speak.

Ever get into a conversation with someone, and it’s like you’ve pushed over a bucket of water? Every detail in their life just spills out like the stream of a firehose. There are no pauses, there are no breaks in the conversation. It’s just one-sided, and you’re there to listen to it. When it comes to grievances, this isn’t a big deal. People desire to be heard. It becomes more troublesome when people are argumentative, blaming and overly negative. They aren’t looking for a discussion. Have you done that before?

Maybe good communication is about letting the other person know they are valued, and you’re there to have a conversation with each other. How would you ever help someone if you’re yammering about yourself all the time? Take a moment, gather your thoughts and once you’ve made your point, give space for the person to respond.

Slow to anger.

I know people who say they are Christians who are always angry. It seems they are not just mad at this group or that tax. They’re frustrated with everything, and they really want you to know about it. Granted, there are topics to be passionate about, but not everything is worth you fighting over. If social media had just one fatal flaw, it gave a platform to the “Ugly Christian” to spew whatever agenda they wanted to at the click of a button.

Uncommen Questions:

When was the last time you showed up to a conversation with the intention to listen rather than speak?

Do you dominate the conversation or do you ask about the other person as much as they ask about you?

Uncommen Challenge:

Pray about how you communicate with people and ask God to give you wisdom and the words you need to interact with people effectively. You reflect God in all you do and the way you communicate is a large part of that.

Here are the scriptures referenced:

Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:
James 1:19 KJV

If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?
1 John 4:20 KJV

But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.
Matthew 12:36 KJV

Here are Stu’s thoughts:

Ah, the old slow to anger quick to listen gig. You hear it frequently in certain circles. But to be honest it is not heard enough!

What about the listen more speak less gig? It’s in some circles but not talked about enough though!

Look, let’s be honest with ourselves. We have all fallen short in the category of listening. Not the listen to give a response but I mean really listening.

I know if it wasn’t for Angie I truly would not be a good listener. Yeah, all my friends would say I was a good listener because they could come to me with their problems. And that’s true. They could and did!

But when Angie came into my life I learned that I really wasn’t that great of a listener. I kept putting my thoughts out there before she was finished sharing hers. Often times I am sure I hurt her feelings though she may never let me know.

When you walk with a grieving parent in their journey you really learn to be quiet and listen. There really is nothing you can say that they have not already heard.

By learning to listen I also learned how to feel. By that I mean Angie can call and just by her first words I know if everything is ok or not, I know whether to share about my day or listen as she tells me what is going on.

This really helped when it came to counseling men who were trying to overcome their porn and masturbation struggles. Granted I’ve been there and done that but in order for them to trust me enough to share they had to know that I was listening. So a lot of times after they finished talking I would repeat what they had said and then offer advice only after they confirmed that I had gotten their story correct.

I learned to listen more and speak less.

For the anger I can be the world’s worst. But who doesn’t get riled up over some of the stupid stuff our government does, how far the entertainment world pushes the envelope further into debauchery and the numbskulls who shouldn’t have a driver’s license.

But the author is spot on with his assessment. Admit it guys you normally just listen long enough to offer the fix without listening to your wife’s feelings on the subject. This by the way leads to problems.

It doesn’t matter how simple or complex the scenario is…you need to listen to your wife while she explains things. You can not fix anything without knowing ALL the details anyway, especially if it is a marital issue!

And IF it has gotten to the point where her emotions get involved there is never a quick fix. It is time to ask for forgiveness, say I am sorry and work TOGETHER for the solution!

You are definitely in Code Purple at this point. It takes two to make purple…it takes three to undo it. God has to be in the mix of any fixing.

When you have your morning prayer time ask the Lord to give you the right words to say and at the right moment. Ask Him to reveal to you when it is time to say nothing at all and just listen.

You learn so much about a persons heart just by listening.

Truly listening is an art form that has disappeared but needs to have a major comeback!

5 thoughts on “Code Purple: Two Ears One Mouth”

  1. Ohhhhh, I like this Stuart.

    Men not listening is a huge problem. Being told to shut up/not feeling heard by men is so hurtful and doesn’t solve a thing.

    I try to be a good listener, but I could do better. I should say that prayer every morning.

    Liked by 1 person

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