I Forgive You, But…| Day 1: Life Can Be So Unfair

Here is the devotional:

Barbara came to church not long after my husband, the founding pastor, had unexpectedly died, and I had taken over his job as pastor.

Barbara caught my eye because she seemed unhappy and downtrodden. Her shoulders were hunched over, she didn’t make eye contact, and looked as if she would cry spontaneously.

When I greeted her, she looked down as I shook her hand, murmured “thank you,” and walked away. I wanted to speak with her longer, but she slipped away.

One Sunday, I finally managed to catch her and asked, “Is there anything I can do for you?” She started to shake her head, but somehow mustered up the courage to ask, “Could I meet with you sometime?”

I agreed, and we set up a time to meet.

At our meeting, Barbara was dry-eyed and matter-of-fact as she spelled out how from the age of two or three years old, she had been abused physically and emotionally by several male family members.

As a result, her adult life was a mess. Her three children each had different fathers, and none of the men had stayed. Now she was struggling not only to raise three children but to form relationships with anyone, even friends and coworkers.

If you heard her whole story, you would understand why. She had no normalcy in her past, no way of knowing how to engage with people in a healthy way, and it affected every area of her life. My heart broke for her.

After meeting with her several times, I was at home praying for her one night: “Father, this is so unfair! It’s not Barbara’s fault that she was born into this abusive family, yet her life is a mess because of what those horrible people did to her. How can I help her? It can’t be hopeless. Is there an answer?”

And the Lord said, “Yes, there’s an answer.”

I said, “I knew it! What’s the answer?”

I was totally surprised. He said, “Forgiveness.”

That stopped me short. It wasn’t what I was expecting. I said, “No way! Are you sure, Lord? It doesn’t seem like forgiveness will help her get over everything that’s happened.”

And then the Lord told me something that I’ve never forgotten. He said, “Forgiveness is how my relationship started with you.” Wow, that’s something to think, isn’t it!

Here are the scriptures referenced:

And you, being dead in your sins and the uncircumcision of your flesh, hath he quickened together with him, having forgiven you all trespasses;
Colossians 2:13 KJV

Here are Stu’s thoughts:

Wow! Read that last paragraph again…slowly! That pretty much sums it all up, doesn’t it?

Our relationship with God began with forgiveness.

So, why can’t all relationships revolve around forgiveness? Yes even the bad ones…

Life is so unfair….

There a lot of children out there now; that, to be completely honest, deserve better parents. I don’t mean that for the parents who try their hardest to make things right for their kids and fall short.

I’m talking about the ones that have been physically abused…mentally abused…and sexually abused by their parents.

Did you know there are children being sold as sex toys by their own blankety blank parents???😠😠

No child deserves any of the above. And no child chose to have those things happen to them. It’s not their fault…period!

Ok, a spanking for doing something wrong…yeah. But to physically beat a child…hell no!

See for me those type of people should not even be allowed to breed.


There are women and men who have endured these things happening to them as a child. Women no longer trust men. Men no longer trust women.

I’ve seen grown women, single women mind you, flinch when someone raises their voice. That says something happened to them as a child, teen or young adult to make that happen. And they don’t even realize they do it. Angie didn’t when I saw her flinch one time😠

It is easier to raise a child right than it is to “fix” an adult!

And yet the only way for anyone to be “fixed”(healed) is to forgive.

I know that’s a tough one. It took me decades to forgive my dad. And if it wasn’t for God working on my heart it probably never would have happened.

Am I talking about forgiving that unknown driver who cut you off? Yes!

Am I talking about forgiving that person who ran over your heel with their shopping cart? Yes!

Am I even talking about forgiving those who have physically, sexually and mentally abused you? YES, I am!

Forgiving someone who has wronged you does nothing for anyone other than yourself. And that’s the point.

Forgiveness brings freedom!

Don’t believe me?

Remember that moment you asked Jesus into your heart?

Remember that moment you broke down in tears asking the Lord to forgive you?

Oh…how freeing that was!


We are told to love one another as Christ loves us. And we can not love someone if we hold a grudge for something they did to us no matter how bad that thing was!

Oh, so you feel they don’t deserve your love after what they have done…

Well no matter what they have done to anyone…God loves them. That’s enough for me.

God loves the rapist, liar, adulterer, abuser and sexually deviant ones everywhere.

I can love these people with a Godly love. I don’t have to be all mushy cushy with them or even a part of their lives. And I don’t have to agree, accept or condone what they have done. My job is to love them as Christ does.

So therefore, forgiveness must play a part. A major part!

So, if you want freedom from you anger/resentment…forgive!

If you want peace in your life…forgive!

And you keep forgiving them until it doesn’t bother you to hear their name mentioned. Because sometimes our flesh gets in the way of what the spirit is trying to accomplish.

12 thoughts on “I Forgive You, But…| Day 1: Life Can Be So Unfair”

  1. What a message, Stu!! 💥👊🏼❤️🔥Forgiveness is the absolute key to everything! Whether we want to believe it or not. It’s hard most the time, but we must forgive if we want Jesus to forgive us. Thank you for sharing this truth! Someone needs to hear this! 🔥💜

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks Renee😊 And it is hard most times to forgive even for something small.

      And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.
      Ephesians 4:32 KJV

      I pray it helps someone find some peace!

      Like

  2. Healing cannot begin until we forgive.
    We don’t truly understand that His plan of forgiveness is more for us, than them. Unforgiveness is us hanging on to whatever it might be, entrenched, stuck, reliving those things that wound us that may have happened years and years ago…but we haven’t recovered, healed, move forward from it because of Unforgiveness. What’s the saying…whatsoever we bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, whatever we loose etc. What things and people we have bound up with Unforgiveness. I think He wants us to set loose those things to Him so that He may heal us and be freed to also work in the life of those who have harmed us.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Good one, Stu! Forgiveness is crucial. I stand with Renee and Laura. In addition, there is Ephesians 4.26, 27: Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: 27 Neither give place to the devil.
    It is absolutely normal to be angry with an offender. But wrath must be given to God. We cannot hold on to negative feelings and beliefs, we cannot allow them to fester. When we do, we open ourselves to satan. I mean, it’s enough that we have our flesh to deal with, we MUST not behave in a way that invites satan in. When we do that, we start spiraling down into darkness and lose our way (I just wrote about that, so it’s on my mind). We should be scared to death to do anything that would invite satan in.
    When we have been offended, we must make our peace with God before the sun goes down. It is not always possible (or advisable) to reconcile with the offender, but we can make ourselves right with God. And that, I think, is what forgiveness is all about. It involves much, including accepting that God allowed to such-and-such to happen, accepting His love for us, and embracing His will.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m so glad you posted this. I would say I’m a really forgiving person but as I enter a new chapter in my life… A better, healthier chapter … I see how much I still hold on to -the pain, hurt and fear. I’ve built a fort around me to keep the pain from happening to me again. In a big way it’s keeping me from living my life fully. I tell the same stories over and over, fear the same things repletely. It’s getting old! I know for me to free myself from this burden, I have to forgive the people who abused me, trashed me, played with me, and left me. I have to me to forgive them for me… not for them. It should be such an easy thing but in my humanity, I complicate it. However, this post really helped me to bring it back to my relationship with God Himself, and the sweet simplicity of it. He simply forgives me. It’s just like you said, our relationship with God started with His forgiveness. Which is more than we deserve but He loves us so much that he sent us a Savior. He love us with out condition. So I am going to be reflecting on this, this week and think about my relationship with God and how simple and innocent it is. I need to carry that over to the other parts of my life. xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I appreciate that. I’ve had to look for your post lately. I’m not sure if you’ve slowed down posting or I’m just not getting notifications… but I enjoy them! Every helpful and inspiring! 😉

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I have slowed down for real. You may want to try turning on site notifications for the sites you really want to read. That way they show up in your notifications along with comments and likes😊

          Thank you very much!

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Awesome! I think I need to go through that anyway…because I am getting overloaded with a lot of bloggers that I follow but don’t necessarily have time to read or don’t follow as closely. I missing out on the ones that I do want to! Probably need to make time to go through that!

            Liked by 1 person

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