Sex: Myth #5 | Sex Should Never Be Discussed Outside The Marriage Bed

Here is the devotional:

Sex is a sacred endeavor between husband and wife. But there are times that we need and desire the thoughts from our closest friends and trusted counselors because we struggle to navigate the uneasy waters of the sexual conversation.

Guys, do you have a friend who honors his wife in a healthy marriage? Start there. Women, look for a friend who cherishes her husband and honors God with her marriage. Your friend should love God and be earnestly in pursuit of a relationship with Him. Who can you think of who has a solid history of fruitfully ministering truth to others, has a healthy awareness of their own strengths and weaknesses, displays self-discipline, and is unabashed in articulating the truths of God’s Word? It’s a tall list for sure. You might not know of anyone, but ask your other friends who they trust. Find a Christian counselor near you. Ask a couple who’s a little further down the road than you if they’d mentor you.

Often, symptoms such as depression and anxiety, exhaustion, and stress (just to name a few) can lead to individuals having little to no sex drive, and in the case of sexual trauma, individuals can have a mistrust of anything sexual. Partners often state a “lack of feeling appreciated,” “no emotional connection,” and even “no romance” as reasons for having little to no desire for sexual intimacy with their spouse.*

No matter the reason, if we love our spouses and are seeking to meet their needs, just as they are seeking to meet our needs, we should be willing to seek whatever help possible to increase the satisfaction and desire to connect intimately with them.

Remember, God intends sex within marriage to be sacred and blessed for both partners. He wants you to increase in emotional and spiritual connection with one another, but these issues may widen the gap already present between you and your spouse. You are not alone, so find support and encouragement today.

My prayer is that, you begin to see sex through the amazing and satisfying eyes of God Himself. His desires should be our desires. His pleasures should be our pleasures.

—Brandon, LMFT-S, PCIT

Pray: God, align our desires with Your desires, so that our dreams align with Your purposes. Let Your will be done through us and let our love for one another grow stronger each day, bringing glory and honor to You. Amen.

*It is highly recommended that if you have an aversion to sex, pain during intercourse, a past history of sexual trauma, a low libido, or feel unsatisfied with your sexual relationship with your spouse, that you seek help immediately. Professional counselors, along with medical professionals, can help provide emotional, relational, and physiological support.

Here are the scriptures referenced:

A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels:
Proverbs 1:5 KJV

Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be yet wiser: teach a just man, and he will increase in learning.
Proverbs 9:9 KJV

He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.
Proverbs 13:20 KJV

Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.
Proverbs 27:17 KJV

Here are Stu’s thoughts:

The idea that sex shouldn’t be discussed outside of the marriage bed or with close friends is hogwash! Ok…let me rephrase this because you can make the couch, the coffee table, the floor, etc, the marriage bed at the drop of any article of clothing😉

Sex is to be discussed PERIOD!

Yes, for many it’s a private thing that should stay between a husband and wife. I get it. I do. I will not go into details about my sex life. And by that, I mean I do not treat sex like a commentary.

BUT, if another man comes to me with questions, and they do…a lot, I will be honest.

For example…one man could not get his wife to orgasm…period. Not orally or with penetration. (Penetration will not bring a woman to orgasm normally unless you are at the right angle anyway.)

So…I gave him pointers. Nothing outrageous. I shared with him some hows and wheres. He called back the next week to share the good news. They were both able to reach orgasm and almost simultaneously 😊

During our first initial conversation about sex I asked some hard questions to find out where they stand mutually. We discussed his definition of intimacy.

Oh boy.

Short version is I had to share with him that true sexual intimacy starts wayyyy before you ever take your clothes off.

I also shared with him that they should be praying about there sex life together and apart because it is a spiritual act as well. Which sort of blew his mind.

When he called back I asked him if they had been praying. He said yes, but bro that was not easy. Talking to God about sex. It doesn’t feel natural.

I was like why? God’s watching you anyway. He is in the room with you watching you enjoy His creation!

But anyway….The point is that sex should be openly discussed with someone who you trust. And it should most definitely be discussed with your spouse!!

Ok, so you may not be the romantic type. I can understand. But, did you know that saying I love you and actually meaning it is romantic? Did you know that letting your spouse know that they are appreciated is romantic?

Taking your spouse for granted is NOT romantic!

Find a couple that have been married for a few decades…that actually appreciate one another and hold the other in high regard in public. Those are the ones you will learn a thing or two from. And not sexual things either. For the non sexual things lead to a more fulfilling sex life for both of you!

Be willing to share. Be willing to truly listen. Be willing to learn.

Sexual activity is an always evolving mechanism within marriage. One to be treasured, prayed over and enjoyed.

*Remember the devil hates marriage. He wants to destroy it. What better way than through an unhealthy sex life? Start now to ensure to devil doesn’t win! Start today through prayer to a healthy sex life*