I am so freaking tired Lord. It seems no matter how hard I try it’s one step forward and then I fall three steps backwards. I understand no one said following you would be easy, but dang!
I know it’s not easy. Sin abounds on the Earth. That wasn’t my plan though.
My child, for every step forward you take and for every three steps back you feel you make you are still gaining ground.
It doesn’t feel that way at all. My faith isn’t that much stronger than when I started this journey. My desire for change has not gone away but I’m just tired of going backwards at times.
Oh but your faith is much stronger. You are simply wanting a quick and easy way up this mountain and I’ll tell you now there isn’t one.
It’s not that I want an easy way up the mountain. I just know the closer I get to the top I will feel your presence more.
Who told you that one?
The pastor at the church I attend.
Well there is some truth to that but he is not one hundred percent accurate.
Wait, you mean the pastor lied to me?
No, not necessarily. Allow me to shed a little more light on the situation here.
Here, while we are talking I want you to look closely at the path you are on. I want you to look both up and down this mountain to realize exactly where you are.
K…It seems that I about a quarter of the way up the mountain but I see a lot of sticks, stones and thorny bushes ahead. Behind me I see the well worn path I have cleared with all my steps.
Exactly! You say your faith is not much stronger now than it was when you started. I know otherwise. This path would certainly not be well worn if your faith was not strong.
When you give in to temptation, then come to me with a sorrowful heart, ask for forgiveness and get back up and try again that takes a lot of faith. That is what this path represents! This is Your faith path. And it is strong.
Despite my thoughts I guess you are right in that one. My faith in you is stronger!
Yes, it is! And now I am going to show you something most never see. The spiritual realm for just a few minutes. I want you to truly understand where you are right now.
Look back down the mountain. What do you see…focus.
Oh my gosh, the lights!! It almost looks like a fire trial. They are beautiful!
But why are some dimmer then the others?
Those are not lights but people. In the spiritual realm those are their souls.
Woah, this is so cool!!
Now look up the mountain. What do you see?
I see the lights…I mean souls of others.
Yes! Now you see the soul instead of the person.
Yes, but why are there dim ones up closer to the top of the mountain just like there are back down the mountain?
Because, just like you they have grown tired. Some are going through things you have not dealt with.
But I thought they would be in your presence more. Shouldn’t their lights be brighter?
Some think so just like your pastor. But I am with each and every light you see. I do not hang out with the one up top any more than I do the one who just accepted my son as their Savior. You each can be in my presence the same amount. If you so choose.
K, that makes sense. Your word does say you will never leave us or forsake us. But why the dim lights?
Those are the ones who are trying to get past the traps the enemy has set for them on their own. And they grow weary. Just like you are now.
Wow, so that’s what you and the angels see when we feel spiritually weak!
Yes, but now I want you to pay attention to those that are below you on the mountain.
You say you are tired, but let me tell you this. Each one of those lights/souls you see are looking up this mountain and they see you just like you can see everyone else. They just see the person. Only you can see the light.
Some of those down there know you personally. And some of those have heard your story. And guess what?
You see that light right below you about 500 feet down?
Yes, it’s getting brighter…
Yes, it is. And the reason for that is you my child.
Me? What have I done to make that person’s light grow brighter? I don’t get it.
You may see yourself as tired but they see you as strong. They have heard your story and it has renewed their own hope in their own situation. They have realized that they are not alone in their struggles and your freedom has given them hope.
And one day when they share their story both you and them will be a beacon of hope for another because right now in your tired state have proven it is possible to remain sober.
But how will I be in their story? That makes no sense. It’s their story, not mine.
Oh, but it is your story too. Remember when you shared you story on how you maintained you sobriety just last week? Well, they took you at your word and followed your advice. They have been sober, from their struggle for the whole week.
So in essence, yes, you are part of their story too!
Í had no idea! I would have never dreamed this could be happening. I am in tears looking down at everyone. There is a joy…a peace…a humbleness inside right now that I can’t hold back.
Good! May that never diminish as you look both up and down this mountain. For one day you will reach the top and it will be after taking one forward…maybe twelve…and then three steps back. But those steps back are where you learn from your mistakes.
How do you feel now?
Rejuvenated!! And ready to press on!
Thank you Lord for allowing me a glimpse into the reality of the spiritual side. May I never lose in my heart what I have just seen.