Stu’s World XXVI

For those who have Facebook…here is Erin singing Amazing Grace six years ago ♥️

I love these memories on Facebook…

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10152063606994245&id=602499244

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Now to other news…

I have been informed that PayPal has cut ties with the porn industry. Users will not be able to pay for porn membership sites using their PayPal account any longer! This is huge!

PayPal will lose millions in revenue but will more than likely gain millions as more people who have not used their services just because they did support the industry will begin to so now.

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Now back to the life of Stu…

Today is Saturday. A lot has happened…in my head this week. But I need to vent.

Brandon didn’t stay with me last night. So…why not you ask? Because I don’t have a car!

You see, today Brandon is competing in his first Taekwondo tournament as a black belt. And I have tried for four days to either borrow a friend’s car or ask them to take me to the tournament and nothing came to fruition in my search.

So he stayed at his Taekwondo instructors house so he could be there for the tournament. I have never missed a local tournament for Erin or Brandon since they started taking Taekwondo. I just can’t make it to the state or world’s tournaments. I can’t afford the hotel and missing work aspect. They understand that for the most part. Their mom is there for them only because her mom pays for everything 🤐

Brandon still had hopes this morning of me being able to get there and when I called him to let him know I couldn’t make it…well… let’s just say I had to call Angie to get me out of my emotional state.

Parenting is hard. Being a single parent with limited means of anything is even harder. It’s like forget everything else you have done for your child, how much you have been there, missing dates with the one you love, missing days at work, taking off early and all the sacrifices made…you suck because of one thing.

Angie of course gave great advice but it just didn’t give me any peace about it at all. I’m thankful she was available to talk with me though!

I just hope that if he spends the night with me tonight I don’t break down in front of him. I have in the past when I felt I wasn’t being a good enough dad.

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God really needs to end this season in my life. No being able to take the kids anywhere, take my clothes to the laundry mat and not being able to go visit my friends and Angie in Shreveport is wearing me VERY thin in the anger department.

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Angie told me to just close my eyes and feel her embrace as she gave me a hug. That is one thing about our relationship that is like no other in my life. She taught me how to actually feel and to remember those sensations even weeks later. So I did get my hug as I felt her loving arms embrace me from 172 miles away. I would much rather have the real thing though…just being honest.

Hearing her voice always makes me feel better 😊 I just wish I could see her beautiful smiling face every day for the rest of my life.

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I’ll admit something here that I haven’t shared before….I don’t think. Well I know I haven’t shared it on here.

3 years ago when Angie and I called off our dating relationship it was very hard on me. I grieved that loss of our love for over a year and at times it felt like I was being punished for having kids so late in life. Most of my friends had kids right out of high school. Most of them are grown adults now. Mine have barely hit the teen years.

So dating was tough and it put a strain on all relations. Even though the kids loved Angie and she loved them. We chose to sacrifice our life together so I could be here…where I’m needed. My kids need me.

It was not easy telling the kids why I never went to see Angie anymore. Because they knew how happy I was being with her. Brandon was like Daddy move. Go be with Ms. Angie. I want you to be happy. With tears in my eyes I said no son I’m not leaving you and Erin!

Even now, with talks of wanting to date again and as MUCH as I want to be with her I just can’t. Because either she will get hurt or the kids will because I can’t be in two places at once 😦

Is it wrong for me to feel that way?

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Sunday begins with me being lost in music again…while I let Brandon sleep in a little.

He did choose to spend the night last night. We played Go Fish again 😊

He share with me what all transpired at the tournament. He received a silver (second) medal in board breaking. He couldn’t break the spinning heel kick one. He received a bronze (third) medal in sparing. Sadly he didn’t place in his forms competition. I will admit I didn’t think he would. It’s all still new to him as a new black belt. He had to go up against all the black belts in his age group. So some of them have been doing their form a lot longer.

I was proud of his bronze even though he is upset with himself. He came in third place out of all the kids in North Louisiana 😊 Yoo-hoo!! His first two medals as a black belt 👏👏

Sadly no pictures or videos because I wasn’t there 😦

I’m just thankful he wanted to spend the night 😊

He sent me this after his mom picked him up to go to the shooting range…

Too cute!!

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Sorry for the conflicting stories above about mine and Angie’s relationship. But that’s how I feel. I want to be with her everyday for the rest of my life and yet I know I can’t…yet. Maybe God will open a door before we are too old to enjoy sexual intimacy…

I also want to apologize for bouncing around but that his how my mind works a lot of the time.

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I hope and pray the coming week is awesome for everyone!

This week remember to pick a fellow blogger and pray for them.

Our prayer group is always willing to pray for you so if you have a prayer request please feel free to email me!