Why, Men…Why?

I’m honestly not sure what hurts my heart the most, getting letters from hurting wives or hearing from a young adult that they have a porn problem.

Just this morning I opened my Facebook page to see a comment from a woman whose husband has a sex/porn addiction. My heart just sank I tell you!

I can hear from a parent whose son has been caught watching porn and all I can think of are the struggles I had growing up and it tears my heart up to think that this child could possibly have the same or worse. Pornography has become more deviant than it was when I was growing up and watching it all the time.

Men, when are we going to realize the emotional damage we do to our wives/girlfriends with our selfish actions of viewing pornography? When are we going to stop and realize that it is NOT just what men do?


We choose to watch pornography. Yeah, that little pop up may happen and you see it. Ok, that is an accidental view. BUT, if you hit the link on said pop up you have made conscious choice. You just chose to look at another woman INSTEAD of your spouse. And when, not if, she finds out it will crush her.

She will feel as if she is not good enough, not sexy enough, not beautiful enough and cannot please you. More importantly than her own emotions she will feel that YOU do not find her attractive. You have betrayed her trust in you and you WILL lose that trust you worked so hard to build. She will pull away. She may not even have sex with you for days, weeks, months…maybe never again.

Men, you must understand that having sex with your wife is a privilege and an honor, as she has given her most precious gift she can ever give to you…herself. To tarnish that by watching another women will make her feel…well…worthless.

Guys…It doesn’t matter if you look at porn as a means of self-medication for a past tragedy or just a means to relieve some stress, if you are married it is adultery plain and simple.

I know some other bloggers feel I am wrong in this area and I really don’t care. God says in His Word that if we look upon a woman with lust in our hearts we have committed adultery with her in our hearts (Matthew 5:28 stuversion). I don’t need man’s opinion when God says it is wrong.

The choice is ours guys. We MUST choose to remain faithful to our wives, regardless of the circumstances. We must be men of integrity! We must wake up every morning saying I love you, I cherish you, and I choose you and then live it out.

Guys, please go and check out this beautifully written post from Tears In A Bottle entitled The Porn Addict’s Wife Wears Lingerie (Or Tries To). In the post you will actually read from a wife whose husband struggled with porn and learn just one of the many ways in which our porn viewing causes the one we love to suffer and struggle.

Another great article to check out is by Psalm 40 Warrior entitled The ‘Chose Me’ Dance When He Is Choosing Porn. In this article Amy truly caught my attention with this paragraph.

The heart of a sexual betrayal cuts so deep, deeper than most wounds it seems but it isn’t even the sexual things that hurt the most. While we often end up focusing on the sex and think removing anything sexual outside the relationship will cure all ills, the truth is it isn’t even about the sex. It isn’t the hours he spent watching porn, it isn’t the sex he had with himself, It isn’t about the time he spent trolling disgusting websites looking to cheat or the girls he watched on cam, It isn’t the nights we spent lonely and starving for physical affection. It isn’t the time, money and attention he wasted on someone or something else. It isn’t even the sex he had with other women or men, it’s the fact that we were not chosen and were optional.

*Originally posted in 2016

11 thoughts on “Why, Men…Why?”

  1. Excellent blog post. To take things a little bit further, you can’t unsee things. If/When you reach a point in your life that you realize that you have made a mistake with porn, it just doesn’t stop showing up in your head. I would that porn didn’t exist but it does and we need to be able to talk more openly about the negative effects it has on people’s lives.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree totally. There are images in my head I have tried and tried to make disappear and hide somewhere in a box in my mind with the lid forever closed. Some pretty bad ones too.

      The more we speak out with honesty and a sincere heart on this issue I believe people WILL come to realize the dangers of porn.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. This is awesome. I feel like we don’t address this point of view enough. I am a woman I used to be addicted to porn when I was a teen up until I was 20 years old. But praise God I was broken from the addiction of porn years before I met my husband. But my husband struggled with it the first year we were dating and God broke him free of it before we got married. This addiction does not affect us only but it affects the people around us and even our children as well. If you don’t have a family and are single it is already affecting any relationship you may have in the future before those relationships begin. It is so destructive. But there is healing and power in the blood of the Lamb. Praise God He is ready to heal and restore and break us free of the chains that bind us!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I am so thankful that you and your husband found freedom.
      Yes, it hurts a relationship before it even begins and sadly most do not realize it until it almost destroys said relationship or does destroy it. Porn is a tool of the devil, whose sole mission is to kill and destroy.
      There is freedom!! You and your husband are proof of that. Thank you so much for sharing.

      Liked by 1 person

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