Mirror Series Part II

Oh my gosh! The memories this old shed holds.

I remember those days as well.

Is that why I am seeing a reflection of my younger self?

Yes, it is time to…well…reflect.

Reflect on what? My childhood or just the things I did in this shed?

Both…

Ok? Where should I start?

How about we start with the man in the mirror? Or should I say boy.

But why here and why then? This is where it all started dang it! And that was me back then. Why not go back further when times were good and…innocent?

Because in order to heal one must first combat the past.

You are a freaking mirror! What can you possibly know about healing and my past!!

Oh, trust me, my child I am much more than a mirror…I am…well we will get to that later.

Let me ask you a series of question to start things off.

Do you love your wife?

Of course I do! That’s the most stupid question ever. She is the best part of my life!

I know this…but the last time she and I talked in the bedroom bathroom she was putting lip gloss over her lipsticks and she didn’t feel that way towards you.

She was doing what?

You heard me and she was wearing fingernail polish!

Wait, why would she be wearing fingernail polish? She never wears any. I love being able to see her cute fingers without all junk. She knows I don’t like all that stuff! It brings back bad memories for me. Memories I would just rather leave in the past!

I know all those memories. I was watching every move you made back then and I still do.

Forget the memories. She said she didn’t love me?

Well…she told me she told you that and by the look in her eyes it could be true.

I remember her saying that. That’s why I did this stupid weekend getaway. We both needed time alone after she found out my secret.

Yeah, she found it on you laptop. You stayed up so late watching your porn that you were so tired you forgot to clear your search history, didn’t you?

Yeah, I was in the living room after she went to bed.

I wish I could stop looking at porn. I’ve tried so many times and every time something comes along that I can’t handle I just open the laptop without even thinking.

I’m disgusted with my self. Now she knows and I feel even worse about myself!

How can I possibly stop doing something I have been doing for decades?

I promise you that you can stop but first we must face your past and what led you to porn in the first place.

Not today we’re not! I’m tired from the drive and I’m emotionally spent just being in this damn shed! I need sleep!

*To be continued…

In case you missed part one…

Mirror Mirror

13 thoughts on “Mirror Series Part II”

  1. I can feel your wife’s and your pain also understdand in part your answer. God does the impossible and if needed it you can get some Christian help. I am not tryng to tell you what to do, Stuard but, you can I bielive help your problem with God’s help and determination. I am speaking to you as a brother. It hurt deeply to know your husband is lost in a fantasy word you could never compare to. I do not want to sound harsh but if it was not for the deep love God gave me for this man, I would have divorced him whan I found out my husband did it again. He sees a Pastor once a week, doing step study, the Christian one, from Calvary chapel Ft Lauderdale C.R. and has not watch any since November. We speak honwstly now to each other about his desire to watch it on occsion but, so far, he has been able to give his problem to God and some help as well. He has an accountability Prtner that sees whha he looks up on the internet if he searches for porn sites, that would make, maeby your wife feel better. Just a tought. You put it out that is why I felt the courage to write you back. God bless you both.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Pat. I am glad your husband has an accountability partner. That is vital in recovery and very biblical. Without it I would not be where I am today walking in freedom.

      This series I am working on is fictional to an extent but will have some of my story weaved into it for believability.

      I’m humbled that this post gave you the strength to comment. I will be in prayer for your husband and you!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This is the story of many women and men out there Stu – unfortunately – but brilliant in the sense of being told from a conversation with a mirror. 😢 A story that needed to be shared. You did a great job conveying the feelings of a man caught in this situation.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Renee! I’m glad you like the mirror idea. It’s easier for me to write about the men’s experience as I went through this. The woman’s side simply comes from stories told and emotions shared from friends I know and love who has husbands addicted.

      Like

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