Sex, Is It All About Us?

Why is it that most women feel that sex is always about us guys?

I have been pondering that question for years

I mean sex is NOT all we think about. If it was; nothing at all, in this world, would get done.

There are plenty of other things that we think about or should…. Things like work, is she at home just wearing your t-shirt, the rent or mortgage payment that is due, can I make it home in time for lunch to see her, the car note, insurance payment, what nightie will she wear on date night, fishing, hunting, can we do it with the lights on, camping, swimming, sex in the shower and the neighbors dog that will not quit barking.

See, we can think about other things.

But at the heart of the question is the truth behind it.

Is it ALL about us? Obviously, it isn’t but for a lot of women it sure feels that way.

I would venture to say that they are right…to a certain degree. Here is why guys:
There are some men out there who do not give their wife the time of day until they are horny. That is just wrong!

There are some men who, if their wife came in the living room butt naked during a football game would probably get upset with her. And then expect her to perform later when he is ready….not!
We have a tendency of either skipping the foreplay and dive right in to intercourse or we rush it. Both of which are wrong unless it is a mutual agreed upon quickie.

Many of us have the problem of rolling over and going to sleep right after orgasm without thought of our wives needs. She needs the after-play as much as we do. The touches and sincere kissing and holding after sex are just as important as the fore-play if not more so.

I honestly believe that we, as men in general, have a tendency of not taking the time to learn our wives bodies and how they react to our touch, our kisses, our penetration and movements. I believe we just assume we already know how to please her. Even after years of marriage I believe that is the wrong way of thinking. Bodies change over time. Things that used to arouse could cause pain now especially after pregnancy or say a hysterectomy.

By skipping the foreplay we risk the chance of actually doing something we do not want to do at anytime, especially during sex and that is hurting our spouse. Some women reach a point in their life when the natural lubrication just does not happen as easily as it use to. Hence the need for foreplay. We need to help get the juices going. For some women it takes time. For some it comes easily. For some it can be that one kiss or touch that actually does get the juices going…but don’t skip the fun part of sex.

The key to foreplay is to remember that is an intimacy builder in and out of the bedroom. And that it does not start after taking off your clothes and getting in bed. It starts the moment you wake up in the morning. It starts with that ever so subtle good morning kiss and builds up through out the day to the time you actually can take off your clothes and get in bed (after a shower).

Intimacy according to Webster is a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person.

That is why foreplay is so important. You get close. You become familiar with your spouses body, movements and sighs. And it exhibits love and affection by giving of yourself.

I’ll be honest here guys. I love performing oral sex. I think I get more pleasure from it than the actual act of intercourse. It is just so much fun and yet so intimate at the same time. But I learned a few things a long time ago….
Just because she is breathing heavy does not mean she is about to have an orgasm..you could still be miles away…

When she twitches as you roll your tongue, finger or hand over a certain spot does not mean she wants you to stay there the whole time.
There are so many spots yet to be explored…and she wants you to explore them all…sometimes slow and sometimes fast.

Yes, you can use your fingers while giving oral pleasure to your spouse.
It is perfectly ok to watch her reactions. You actually learn quite a lot by doing so.

During the actual act please do not just stick to the missionary style. That is fun at times but not if you want to truly explore your spouses body while having sex. You want your hands free to be able to caress her breasts, rub her back, etc.

Do NOT forget the after-play. Especially if your wife has not reached an orgasm yet. Continue on with the manual stimulation. Hold her, kiss her and snuggle with her. the touching of bodies is still important even after orgasms. Who knows you both may find yourself wanting to go another round.

Here is the thing guys…sex can be all about us but not in a selfish way as most believe it is. And I am sure I will get some backlash from that statement…and that is perfectly fine. But you want to know why I say that?

It is because we, as men, get the joy of pleasing our wives in so many wonderful ways while being pleased. It is an honor to do so. One that should not be taken lightly I might add.

10 thoughts on “Sex, Is It All About Us?”

  1. Brother Stuart,

    Thank you for helping husbands and wives understand that sex is not a selfish act and how important it is that they give each other pleasure. The church does not teach on the subject of sex nearly enough in my opinion. The churches I’ve been to, they love to preach that sex is “bad to do before marriage” and that is about the extent of it honestly. That’s just sad… so sad. What about “the joy of sex… after marriage”? Why can’t they preach on that? Something God created for us to enjoy is made to be shamed and not talked about hardly at all in the way it should be by Christians. Meanwhile, the world is having a wonderful time exploring each other and enjoying sex. No wonder so many Christian couples look so upset and mad! If they were having sex the way they could and pleasuring each other, I think they would walk into church smiling and be excited to get home! I would go even further and say that the divorce rate would go down. My, my… Satan would hate that! No wonder he doesn’t want us talking about it. 🤔

    God bless you my Brother. 🙏🏻

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much for this heartfelt comment sis. I truly appreciate your support on my various topics, including sex.

      You are so right. It is not talked about in a positive way within the church. It’s just don’t have sex before you’re married and then once your married it’s like just have sex so your husband doesn’t cheat. That’s bull!

      There are so many marriages suffering in the area of sexual intimacy on many levels and for many reasons and it breaks my heart. Sex is such a beautiful thing and it blows my mind that people are hush hush about it. Like it’s a taboo topic or something. I’m not scared to talk about though I am not sex therapist.

      I just want marriages to flourish both out of the bedroom and in the bedroom.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Of course! I think it is important to support our fellow bloggers who love God and are trying to help others on this journey.

        That’s exactly right Brother Stuart, that’s all they teach most places.

        I completely agree. It’s shocking that they people don’t talk about it and shame people who are trying to educate the sheep. You may not be a therapist, but your advice is spot on!

        Never let anyone discourage you from doing what you feel God calls you to do. If someone doesn’t like it, they can stop reading. “Free will” was still a thing last time I checked.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Nah, I’m not going to let anyone deter me from writing what God places on my heart to talk about.

          It’s just sad that people feel men can’t openly discuss the topic of sex when you have so many Christian female bloggers that do and some are more forth coming with details than I am.

          Liked by 1 person

  2. Exactly right. If we don’t talk about it, we will never fully experience the beautiful design of intimacy God created for us to have. We HAVE to talk about it and cherish it. We have to teach ourselves to be less selfish if we want to have that intimacy the way God intended. Thank you for teaching us and so many others, Brother! Not many will, but you do and it is appreciated ❤😊 I wish every man, every husband, was taught this. ESPECIALLY in church!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I love your last sentence D. Thank you!

      I truly appreciate your support sis. Sadly, you are right in that not many will discuss this topic. Which, in my honest opinion, is detrimental to society as a whole.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Well said. I like to talk about the things that tend to make old ladies blush. We need to normalize healthy sex talk. We need to normalize women and mens bodies and their natural bodily reactions and functions. Feelings of embarrassment or shame for something that you cannot control is silly. Periods are normal. Sex is normal. Masturbation is normal for both women and men. And foreplay is much desired and much appreciated! Good read indeed 😂🖤

    Liked by 1 person

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