Mirror, mirror what must I do to be like the women my husband “secretly” watches?
What do mean by “secretly” watches?
Wait! Why are your fingernails polished? And why are you putting lip gloss over your lipstick? You’ve never done these things before.
That’s just it. I feel as if I don’t do these things he will not desire me anymore!
But he loves you! I have seen it in his eyes.
I bet you haven’t seen him in a while, have you? That look has gone.
Because he is watching other women on the internet. I saw it on his laptop just this morning!!
How could you have not heard my screams, my sobbing, stuff hitting the walls and my tears hitting the hardwood floor like a waterfall?
Well, I thought you were watching a movie. You do watch some weird movies…just saying.
No, that was definitely me doing all that. I feel so dirty now, broken and unloved! I’m having a hard time just looking at my reflection in you!
But you are beautiful! Don’t ever say you are nothing but! I see the beauty in your eyes every morning while you sit in front of me enhancing your natural look with the make-up he bought you.
Well I don’t feel that way anymore!
How can he do this to me…to us? Am I not good enough? Do I not please him in bed anymore? What am I doing wrong?
I have too many questions and no answers. He won’t even talk to me right now. Maybe I shouldn’t have said what I said.
Oh Lord, what did you do?
I told him that I don’t love him and I can never trust him again. He has been looking at other women naked having sex…he’s cheating on me after all we have been through!!
But has he actually cheated? I mean physically with another woman?
I don’t know. But my body is the only body he should be wanting see in that manner! I’m just…just…I can’t take anymore right now! I need to process this somehow…
*To be continued…