I am resharing this post because I am pondering writing a post on oral sex đŽ because I feel it’s time I did. We see it in marriage blogs a lot and though I am a member of the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association most of my posts do not fit within the realm of marriage per se. But it’s time a man wrote about it from a man’s perspective. Pray for me please as I ponder the wording!
Man, was I floored when I ran across this one little gem titled To Drink Of Spiced Wine Talk about an upfront, real and honest look at oral sex from Chris Taylor. This is real talk about an issue that many avoid discussing even with their spouse. Upon reading this, I realized it dealt with more that just sex. It also deals with being one with your spouse both in the physical sense and spiritual. Loved it! I can’t wait to play catch up and read more of her posts. Go by and check out her other posts at The Forgiven Wife
Awake, O north wind; and come, thou south; blow upon my garden, that the spices thereof may flow out. Let my beloved come into his garden, and eat his pleasant fruits. Song of Solomon 4:16
I would cause thee to drink of spiced wine of the juice of my pomegranate. Song of Solomon 8:2
Oh, Song of Solomon, how provocative are thy words . . . the spices . . . my beloved eating in my garden . . . the juice of my pomegranate . . .
Could these words mean what I think they mean? There are other passages in Song of Solomon that suggest oral sex being performed on the husband. These verses, though, suggest that his mouth might belong in her garden.
In Oral Blessings, I wrote about how to get yourself comfortable with the idea of performing oral sex on your husband. But what about oral sex on you?
The very thought of this makes some women cringe. Many husbands really want to do this for their wives. If yours is one of them (and if you arenât sure, ask him), itâs worth working on being more comfortable.
If youâre uncomfortable with it, do you know why? Here are some reasons women have given for why they donât want their husbands to perform oral sex on them.
Oral sex isnât okay. Says who? (See this great article at The Marriage Bed about what the Bible says about different sexual practices.) Song of Solomon contains some passages that hint quite strongly at the godly desire for oral sex on her as part of the marriage bed. Some women dismiss the sexual content of Song of Solomon, claiming that it is only allegory. Consider this: an allegory is meaningless on the higher level if the thing to which it refers doesnât also mean something on an earthly level. Song of Solomon has allegorical meaning because it refers to earthly delight, not in spite of it. If you disagree with this, at least be sure that itâs because you truly disagree with it, not because you are looking for Biblical support for your feelings about oral sex.
Oral sex is inferior to intercourse. Many women have the idea that the only godly orgasm (gasp!) is the one she has during intercourse. Sexual pleasure that happens when her husband isnât inside her is just plain wrong, or lesser. Surely, oral sex isnât the way God wants us to act with each other, is it?
Studies have repeatedly shown that only 20-25% of women regularly experience orgasm through intercourse; most of us require direct stimulation of the clitoris. While this can certainly be done by hand or vibrator, many women find that oral sex is the stimulation that is most likely to result in orgasm. This is normalânot lesser than intercourse, just different. Throughout the lifetime of a marriage, you can experience many different kinds of sexual activity. If you need oral sex to have an orgasm this time, you can always try it with intercourse next time.
Remember, too, that oral sex doesnât have to result in an orgasm. It can be a part of foreplay and can help get you aroused enough that intercourse is more pleasurable for you.
Oral sex doesnât feel good. Even some women who love receiving oral sex say that sometimes, it tickles or just isnât arousing. Many women say that until theyâre aroused through other means (such as kissing and caressing of breasts and/or genitals), oral sex is more of a tickle than a sexual arousal. If youâve dismissed it from your marriage bed simply for this reason, then ask your husband to try againâand again and again and again. The only way for him to get better at it is to have lots of practice. Ask him to try differing amounts of pressure, work on the labia for a while before heading to the clitoris, touch you lightly with his fingers and breath before adding in his tongue and lips. Try different things until you discover what does feel pleasurable for you. Instead of thinking âoral sex doesnât feel good,â think âoral sex doesnât feel good yet.â
It takes too long for me to reach orgasm. So what? If itâs going to take you a while anyway, why does it matter whether your husband is using his mouth or his hands or his penis to get you there? If he isnât complaining, why should you? If his mouth gets tired, he can switch back and forth with his hands.
Weâre self-conscious. The biggest reason Iâve seen women give against receiving oral sex is that they are self-conscious about how they taste and smellânot to mention that when your husband has his mouth between your legs, he is getting a very up-close-and-personal look at a body part many of us donât find beautiful. Face it. Our genitals produce a unique aroma when we are sexually aroused. No matter what we think about that aroma, however, our husbands love it. In a survey Iâm doing of menâs views on giving their wives oral sex, I have seen phrases like âambrosiaâ and âGodâs banquet.â Our husbands associate our taste and smell with our arousal, deep intimacy, and great sexual pleasure. The smell that we find embarrassing is intoxicating to our husbands.
We donât want him to expect to have the favor returned. In a healthy married sexual relationship, sex involves both giving and receiving. If you arenât comfortable performing oral sex on him, see the posts here and here and here and here. You can enjoy receiving, even as you work on getting more comfortable giving.
I have a bit more to say about some of these things, so I will be writing a few other posts about getting comfortable being orally blessed.
A couple surveys about oral sex for her are still open. If you havenât given your input yet, please visit the survey and share your views.
Survey for wives     Survey for husbands
Many husbands say that oral sex is the most intimate act of giving they can use to bless their wives. If you say ânoâ to receiving oral sex, you are rejecting your husbandâs gift and blessing.
What will it take for you to learn to accept and enjoy your husbandâs sexual blessing?
I like the new site look, brother.
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Thank you!
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[…] To Drink Of Spiced Wine which was one of the most awesome posts I have ever read on oral sex from a female standpoint and just had to share it. […]
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Hygiene buddy, thatâs all Iâll say.
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Right! On both parties.
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I donât think âdrinking spiced wineâ meant oral sex. I think people want that to mean oral sex.
This is one of those gray areas where husband and wife should pray and seek God. Thereâs absolutely nothing wrong with talking to Him about it!
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That may be true John. But I believe that it does.
I don’t see oral sex as a gray area at all. I see it as a blessing within the marriage bed.
But taking it to God…that I agree with…because He cares about a husband and wife’s sex life. And not because of the physical bonding but the spiritual side of the bonding as well.
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Write it!!!! đ I will pray with you about this. đ
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Thanks for the encouragement!! Thank you for joining me in prayer on this.
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