February | What’s On Your Heart Tag

Thank you Amy for tagging me in Dollfaced Writer and Purple Rose’s monthly tag! These three women rock. If you do not follow them, you should be. What the heck are you waiting for? Go…yeah now! Click the links and read what is on their heart! I’ll still be here.

Ok, now that you are back…

Here are the rules:

Thank the person who nominated you to participate.
Link back to the original post (Purple Rose’s & Dollfaced Writer’s)
Attach an image that inspires you regarding the month’s theme (or use the original).
Talk about what this month’s theme means to you.
Answer the questions.
Nominate 3 people to participate.
Enjoy the rest of your month 🙂

For February, our theme is called: What’s on Your Heart

What’s on my heart 🤔🤔🤔

Right now, as I am having more men reach out to me in hopes of finding freedom from porn, my heart is aching. These young men and the women in their lives 😦 I literally hurt for them.

My heart is also missing my love of a lifetime right now. She still has my heart. I guess in a way she always will. But I’ll be ok 🙂 God has her where she needs to be right now as He does me.

Here are the questions for this months tag:
1. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Yes, I do! It happened to me ❤

2. Do you believe in soulmates?

Yes, I do. I was with mine, my beautiful amazing love, until we chose to sacrifice our relationship to fully be there for our children. She will forever be my soulmate though 🙂

3. What’s the first thing you notice about a person?

Their eyes and smile.

4. What’s your ideal date?

I guess it would be dinner, followed by chilling on the couch watching a movie and or just talking and continuing to get to know each other. (If I was married there would be other things mixed in there 🙂 )

5. What traits do you look for in a friend/significant others?

Honesty, humor, a heart for others, deep conversations and a strong relationship with God. And if it leads to more then I would also need to find them physically attractive 🙂

6. What are your thoughts on being friends with an ex?

I’m actually friends with all my ex’s. Once you are my friend you are always my friend, whether it is just that or more. Heck my first wife, her husband and I recently had dinner together. I still to this day care for all of them. They will always be a part of my life unless they chose otherwise.

7. If you’re a believer, when did you give your heart to the Lord? If not, what in life keeps a bounce in your step?

I grew up in church for the most part. My mom made sure I was there on Sundays from kindergarten to high school. Well, most of high school.

I accepted Jesus into my heart at a young age. I remember that pulling on my heart strings so I walked down the aisle. Next Sunday I was baptized by Bro. W.D. “Step” Martin. A man of God who I came to truly respect over the years.

It felt as if things immediately changed. You see the devil wasn’t worried about me til that moment. Yeah he had his hooks in me. I just never felt it so strong…all those arrows.

So, it’s like I’ve been Christian my whole life. I just made A LOT of bad choices along the way. And I continued until He and I were not on speaking terms. Well, He was talking to me I just wasn’t listening.

I guess growing up in the fire and brimstone preaching era had it’s consequences for many Christians. We had fire insurance. At least that’s the way I see it.

Yes, I accepted Christ. I didn’t want to go to hell…that eternal separation from God. But I still did what Stu wanted to do. I had head knowledge of God, Jesus and the Word.

All the while I was struggling with a problem with porn, masturbation and sex. Drinking was a regular weekend thing…even with my church buddies.

All the above continued until I got married, I straightened up.

I chose to quit drinking when my ex-wife became pregnant with our first child. I didn’t want my kids to have an alcoholic father.

I also started praying again and going to church. Making sure my kids went to church with their dad, unlike my childhood.

But, God and I still had some issues that needed work or rather I did.

The devil was still attacking me on so many fronts.

My ex-wife and I were both managers for the same company. Our time was not our own. Even at home…if work called…well you had to answer the phone or go to work and fix something. And with kids, washing clothes, baby bottles, yard work, house work and taking care of the kids we really had no time for us. That and the fact that on many nights I would come home and she would leave to go work out.

Slowly, depression set in. I didn’t show it to my wife or the kids but it was there knocking the wind out of me no matter how hard I fought it. With everything going on we had no connection.

Then one day I hear this…

“I don’t love you anymore.”

And she wanted me to leave.

Total devastation! I was worried for the kids. I was worried for her. I was worried for me.

It took those devastating words for God to pull my head out of my own rear though.

It was then that God was able to move in my heart and life. I was broken. You would think almost dying from alcohol would have broken me…nope. You would think all the other things that had happened in my life due to my own choices would have broken me, but they didn’t. Five words did!

I moved out. The kids helped me pick my new “home”. And it was on those first very lonely nights that I truly and I mean truly cried out.

It was on one of those crying nights that I rededicated my life to the Lord! And everything changed!

A lot of why’s and how’s. A lot of deep soul searching. Come to find out I was just plain selfish and had been my whole life. It’s like I said earlier, I had fire insurance and head knowledge.

But I began to transfer that knowledge from my head to my heart as I started allowing God to open more closet doors. He helped me clean house. Gave me a new heart.

As hard as it is to say this, I am so thankful for the brokenness. I am thankful that God never gave up on me, though at times I gave up on Him.

I still have my issues. But praise God I am NOT that selfish jerk that I was. And praise God I am not bound in chains by porn any longer.

I truly am a blessed man. I am a new man. A man with a mind that is constantly being renewed daily. A man whose heart is no longer set out to please himself. Yeah, ok, I’m still a little selfish in some areas. But now I am more of a giver than a taker.

I am also a man who is not afraid to share his past hurts and struggles. I will admit though, at times I fear being too forthcoming with certain things.

Also, I am not afraid to point people to God. Because if He can love me, the worst of sinners, then He can and will love anyone!

(This is taken from my testimony post last year)

The one I chose to participate are…

Kristian

Laura Beth

Kranti

Ladies, if you choose to participate…have fun with it 🙂
PHOTO BY FREESTOCKS.ORG ON UNSPLASH