Loving Me To Love Her

Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.

For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.

Ephesians 5:28 & 29
Wow, for some reason this verse just popped out of nowhere to me today.

There have been so many times I have questioned God about myself, especially since the age of 18. That was about the time I started losing my hair and the psoriasis showed up.

Here I was just getting out of high school going bald and beginning to look like a leper. All the “why this and why that” questions we all have. I know the hair was partly genetics. But still…dang.

After several visits to a dermatologist I found that both were caused by stress.

My psoriasis got so bad I quit wearing shorts. Almost 40 years later I still have it and I still wear pants unless I am at home because I don’t like the looks some people give me.

I’m too skinny. I have been 5′ 10″ and 132 for forever. I can’t gain weight…I have tried. The only time I have gained weight was when my ex-wife was pregnant. I then lost the weight overnight after the kids were born. I take after my grandfather and his side…all skinny. I do eat and I do worry about being able to see almost every rib.

Do I love my body? Can’t say honestly yes or no to that, to tell the truth. I hate the psoriasis…really! It itches like crazy at times. I am insecure about it because if I took my clothes off in front of someone what would they think…

But no matter what my body is fed. My body is taken care of. If I am sick I go to a doctor to find out what is wrong. And I do realize that God made me this way. For whatever reason I don’t know..but He did. Yet, there are times I still ask the question why sometimes.

But this verse made me realize something. Because I have yet to come to terms with my own body means that maybe I may not be able to love the way I should.

The second verse is what got me because I don’t believe I cherish my body.

I believe that no matter the “flaws” we see, God does not see them as such. The psoriasis I have was my bodies way of dealing with the stress I internalized. The body is not meant for that.

Now, had I known my body would have reacted this way…trust me I would have shared my feelings more. Especially how I felt about my parents splitting up.

If I cherished my body, I would not have drank like a fish during and after high school.

If I cherished my body, I would not have watched porn, though I did not have a clue what it would do to me at the time.

But there are many things about our bodies we may not like. But this I have come to terms with…God made me just the way I am!

He made me for a purpose!

He made me to love one person! And when I find her I am to love her and cherish her like I would myself. And in such a manner that it will reflect Christ’s love for the church. The way He cherishes us and was willing to die to prove it.

I must learn to accept the way I am, “flaws” and all. And that includes learning to accept my past, not necessarily love it though. It is who I am. It is a part of me and God uses it daily.

And by accepting all these “flaws” God will allow me the honor of loving myself and therefore love her in the same manner.

This was written several years ago on Facebook for my page Spiritual Leaders of the Family.

And it was written before the love of my life walked in the picture. A lot has changed in my mindset since I wrote this. But the point remains…