The Struggle Is Real

This is one of those posts I wrote a while ago. August 24th of last year to be exact. The only edit being made is the opening paragraph. Yeah, there is a curse word in here, but as the first sentence says I’m not perfect and when I am hurting those curse words do come out. Everyone struggles with something…it’s just at times I feel as I have more than my fair share…ughhh


Guys…

I’m not perfect and have never claimed to be even remotely close. I fall daily. In some form or another I let people down, I slack on my calling, I question my self worth, I curse when I get mad and the list just keeps going and going and going.

Here lately I have been in this state of I don’t give a crap anymore and I can’t give up.

Trying to live on a single income is so hard when you have two children that require more and more as they grow older. The other day I broke down in front of my daughter as my card was declined for something she wanted. She didn’t need it mind you…it was just something she had been wanting for months. The disappointed look on her face just broke me as a dad.

I’m supposed to be the one who supplies their needs and some of their wants! And I can’t…not making what I make and bills. It sucks the life out of me sometimes and I just sink into depression and the thought of I’m not good enough.

With that said allow me to share with you what I said to dear friend of mine today as she has been trying to lift my spirits and help me realize a few things. Here is what I said…

“Even in Christ, I have a hard time understanding my value. I know I am wonderfully made and that God loves me enough to send his Son to do die for all my crap but I just can’t seem to crab onto my value….damn it.”

Sadly, as I was typing that I was getting teary eyed as I came to realize that that statement speaks volumes as to where I am at right now.

Why do our brains and our hearts fight so hard against one another?

wp-image-457496957

One one hand my heart is telling me my worth and value in God’s eyes and as a person and on the other hand my brain is constantly bringing up things I have done that makes it hard to accept my value…I guess.

On one hand my heart wants to have a woman in my life again to share things with, to hold hands with and walk this journey with me and on the other my mind is telling me that I will just hurt her. Or that because you loved your last girlfriend so deeply that it is unfair to the next woman because you can’t ever love like that again. I know God’s design is that man not be alone. And I don’t want to be alone in this journey anymore but my fears hold me at bay.

On one hand my brain is telling me I need a job that pays more or I need a second job. And on the other my heart is telling me that to do so would hinder my time spent with my kids. You can’t guide and nurture them if you’re not there for them. But they need new clothes, shoes, school stuff, etc.

On one hand my heart is telling me to continue being there for the men and women who struggle with porn, because it is my calling, and on the other my mind keeps bringing back visions of things seen that I wish I had never seen when they share their struggles with me. I try so hard not to dwell on them but sometimes it’s just plain difficult.

I feel like me life is not a battlefield but rather a mine field where one wrong step blows me to smithereens.

You would think, by now, I would be use to the struggle called life. For I know my mind (the flesh) will always battle my heart (the soul). I just get so tired. And more often than not I allow it to weigh me down.

You may not be going through the same struggles I do but I do know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, we all have them. We ALL struggle and we ALL get tired at times…but we must press on and not lose hope…

We must, somehow, grasp the concept that our value in the eyes of God is not tied to our actions or thoughts but rather only by His love.

We should, somehow, come to realize that our value we see in ourselves is NOT a reflection of our past mistakes or what others see in us, what they say about us, how they act around us but rather how we fall at times and get back up and keep pressing on.

I’m not perfect, but I am NOT a failure and I have value!

The same is true of you my friends.

God Bless,
Stu

46 thoughts on “The Struggle Is Real”

  1. Stu, the battle is real for all of us. Thank you for speaking out, brother. May we bare our souls to Christ, the doubts, fears, unworthiness. May we receive His reassurance every time we need it. May Our mighty God bless you, Stu.

    Liked by 4 people

  2. God bless you sir! I know all about the declines. I don’t know why life has to be so hard. But I think it’s to make us hate this life to the point we love Him most.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. I think it’s also to test us. By no means in a bad way! But to see who your God truly is, where your heart truly lies – where’s your heart, in money, to gain more and more?! Maybe. I have my heart set in money right now to move out to a bigger place. It’s reality of what the world is making me think, that with a family of 8, people think we must live where, a mansion?! Not even close!
      But we make ends meet. Not what we’d like, but then again, who’s to say, we’d ever be satisfied. How much money is enough for me to be happy?! Can’t say.
      I try to help financially, but I’m a stay at home mom, so I sell what no longer is in use and in prestige shape. You’d be surprise how much money you’d make, selling things here and there. I just made $50 over the weekend on some of my girls clothes. It also went straight to their school for different activities they’re doing. God provides!
      Also, cutting back, things like cable are luxuries, people don’t have cable anymore, they have the Roku Stick – it’s amazing!
      Courage! God has a plan for you, trust in that plan. 🙏🏽

      Liked by 3 people

  3. The struggles we face, I feel, are the way God teaches us the very lesson that you are expressing here, His Love. When we have nothing left to give, when we are spent, at the end of our rope, that is when we turn to Him the most. Every time it happens, we get closer and closer to Him, until we really, truly, FINALLY see what He sees in us. LORD, thank You for continuing to bless Stu 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

  4. You are not on your own Stuart, we are all battling with life now. The mind/ego or the evil consciousness wants to bring us down keep us locked into undervaluing ourselves, and our self-worth. You have to learn to empower your soul more to over-ride your mind/ego. Your soul is the only one with the truth. The mind is your destruction. Evil seems to be putting the boot in more these days so we have to stand stronger in God and Jesus Christ. As the old saying goes “get behind me satan”. Listen to your soul and you will always be on the right path be it difficult or easy.

    Children have to learn somethings are more important than a nice to have item. As a single parent I know what it was like. Some parents buy endlessly for their children even though they cannot afford and it makes it all the more difficult for everyone else.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Oh Stu……..just remember that your children love you for you and the time you can spend with them…….it is the time. I remember when Jason, my son was little and we would just go to the park……..as a parent, life is lived in the “being with one another” not in the buying. You can’t buy their love in any way. So be who you are in CHRIST and just love them, and pass along all the GODLY wisdom you have (and you have more than you realize by the way.)
    As for the struggle, well that is because we live in a fallen world, plain and simple. Honestly, you can’t do much about the struggle except rest in JESUS and trust HIS love and promises for you! Blessings brother in CHRIST!!

    Liked by 4 people

  6. You’re absolutely right, we all struggle in one way or another, in some form or another. We aren’t too different after all.
    It’s interesting how this is a year later and we can still relate. It’s a vicious cycle, never happy, never content, never satisfied, feeling less than, feeling down. You’re not alone! It’s never enough for me! Never. Until I’m happy with who I am and know that there is no greater love than that of God, then I’ll start living my life.
    And you’re still not alone – I have six little ones that desire things, things, and things. But at the end of the day Stuart, they’re happy just being with you. A day will come where you’ll be able to get that for her, her birthday, Christmas – one day, that wasn’t the day. It’s happened to me, not enough money. They’re good though, kids are so understanding and loving. I am the problem, I beat myself up and underestimate my parenting based on the amount of money I have. The lies the devil tells us. Courage! ‘The best things in life, aren’t things.’

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for this loving comment Ana!

      You are so right it is a vicious cycle. It seems if you make to the top of the mountain for any length of time and start to enjoy it…something will come along and knock you all the way down to the valley.

      They do understand daddy doesn’t make enough money to do a lot of things we used to do when they were younger. They truly haven’t grasped inflation yet.

      The best things if life, aren’t things! Love it ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yessss! Yes! Just when you think ‘you’ve made it,’ made it to where you want to be, God says, nope! This isn’t true happiness. He loves us, rescues us from ourselves and all that continues to enslave us – for me it’s money. I have the tendency to make it my God. But He’s si merciful, stays by my side just waiting for me to return. He waits for you too.
        And! You know what I do with the children, if we go to the store and they see something they like, I’ll tell them to save, or they’ll suggest to want to sell something of theirs and return to buy what they want.
        We do what we can. By no means are we perfect, but we’re trying. And everyday we wake up, it’s another day to start over. That’s so important, to let them know the reality of the finances. It’s ok. I think they appreciate things when they do have them.
        I appreciate your post so much. 🙏🏽

        Liked by 2 people

        1. They do appreciate the things that they have. I’ve tried keeping up with the Jones’ before and it about killed me and Jenn, their mom. Now we both are just trying to stay afloat…lol.

          You know what my kids do with the money they have saved up for stuff they wanted? They buy the other sibling something or their mom or me sometimes. I always tell them to not get me anything. I love my kids so much. ❤❤❤❤

          I love you all too! So many wonderful, caring and loving comments on this post today. They have truly lifted my spirits!

          Thank you!!!

          Liked by 2 people

          1. You’re doing good Stuart! You’re raising two amazing kids, their loving and compassionate. That’s so sweet – accept the gifts without a comment. I stopped saying, ‘oh no, you shouldn’t have,’ I felt like I was hurting their spirits.
            You deserve all the wonderful comments – great post! The greatest posts are those written from the heart.

            Liked by 1 person

  7. The battle is definitely real. Past failures haunt me. I suppose they haunt everyone. I try to give it to the Lord over and over and remember that Jesus is my Savior. Why, because God knew I would never be good enough. May our failures, help us love Jesus all the more. I appreciate your honesty and faith. May we keep encouraging one another to run to Him.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Melissa. I’m with you. It seems we are in the same boat. I give it to God over and over and over. Why do we always look back or pick the stupid thing back up after laying it at His feet?

      Yes, please, let’s continue to encourage one another!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. You put it out there, Stuart.
    So much in our heads that God gives us – we KNOW this stuff; long journey to the heart. The boots for the trek are called obedience. One foot in front of the other. Sometimes we plod, sometimes we dance.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Absolutely brother, you’re NOT a failure. To God, and all those you impact; your heart has value! Life can feel like a mine field, the wrong turns is where God meets us. The battlefield is within the mind is sometimes difficult to navigate, that’s why I forever let God’s love blow my mind; to find the pieces of my heart secure within His love!

    #Peace, Love, Strength; to you always!

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.