Last year a friend of mine and I were talking about a bunch of different things that go with being married and/or in long term relationships.
I said I miss it 😦
You see, some men actually appreciate their singleness. They can come and go when they want. They can spend their money on what they want. They can have sex with anyone…
Oh wait…some men that ARE married do those things too! Very sad…
But I’m not like other men. I’m different! I’m unique!
People always ask me how I can be lonely when God is right there beside me everytime I mention that I suffer from loneliness…well…
Here are a few of the reasons.
Some of these I shared with my friend that day…
I miss helping with the dishes when one is washing and the other drying and then both of us put them in their appropriate places.
I miss doing the laundry. Yeah….I know…I’m weird. But by me taking that task completely away from her, she could have some me time.
I miss coming home to the same person every day.
I miss helping with dinner.
I miss working in the yard together.
I miss going shopping while holding hands or walking with our arms around each other. Or walking behind her, intentionally, waiting for her to put her hand behind her back and wiggle her fingers to let me know they are lonely and want my hand. ❤
I miss reading the Bible together.
I miss going to church and growing spiritually…together.
I miss sitting on the couch watching a movie with her leaning back on my chest with my arms around her.
I miss having her laying down on my lap so I can play with her hair or rub her back.
I miss the talks til the wee hours of the morning.
I miss just being in each other’s presence.
I miss the little texts that simply said I love you.
I miss those messages that said I want you tonight. You know the ones with a little tongue emoti or the one with the smiley face in the bath tub 🙂
I miss falling asleep with her in my arms at night.
I miss waking up before she did and just sit at the edge of the bed watching her sleep with a smile on my face while the words you are so beautiful are playing in my mind.
I miss showering together.
I miss washing her hair while in said shower. And yes, I miss washing her body and her washing mine. I mean come on, you don’t shower together just to conserve water, right?
I miss the emotional, spiritual and physical intimacy that comes from making love to the same woman.
I miss home.
They say home is where your heart is.
Well, I know where my eternal home is and my heart is set there, but on this Earth, until Glory…my home is not four walls but in the heart of one very special woman.
Some of you may think I’m suffering from codependency. But here is what codependency means…
It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive.
~Mentalhealthamerica.com~
I don’t fit into that definition..
And here I am betting, that with the title and the photos you thought I would be talking sex…
That may come later…maybe 🤔
I understand completely. Oddly enough, even though I’m married, I still feel like I experience some things alone. I reckon these are the problems of folks with different interests… yes, these are times spent with the Lord, but I feel especially blessed if it were an experience or memory with someone else who is special.
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There were times in my marriage when I felt alone. But, as you said experiences or memories with a special person…
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I completely understand where you are coming from.
I miss all of those things too and I am married. I know one day I will share all of those things with someone special. Just not him.
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And you will too!!!!
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Thank you Ann! I truly hope so 🙂
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I was single for most of my life. I know the loneliness, the “left out” feelings.
Accountability is another important aspect of marriage. I’m a better person because of him, and accountability is one of the reasons.
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Accountability in marriage is something most do not even think about. But you are so right!!
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I’m not making light of the pain of your loneliness at all, because I know it all too well, but, I am curious….. Do you miss all those things because you once had them and now you don’t? Or is it a picture you have in your mind and a longing for what sounds like a wonderfully intimate relationship? Just wondering, because although I suffered through a very lonely marriage that has now improved exponentially, my heart not only felt the ache of your longing, it felt the ache of mine. And yet I’m no longer lonely. I haven’t experienced the majority of the things on your list, so how can I miss them? Hmm. No need to try and answer that last question, just me trying to make sense of my thoughts 🤔
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It’s a combination of both Cynthia!
My friend that I was talking to said the same thing…how can I miss something I have never had.
In that I guess I have been blessed to have had those things in my relationships. But I do have a very strong longing for a true intimate relationship.
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I am so very thankful that you marriage has improved exponentially and that you do not feel lonely. At one time in my marriage I did…
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I’m thankful too! I don’t feel lonely, but I do fall prey to comparing us to other couples/marriages and sometimes feeling like I am missing out on intimate experiences that others appear to have, and I think we should, rather than recognizing that perhaps we have our own “things” that others don’t. I do need to regularly find the balance between being content and grateful for the intimacies we do share, while continually striving for deeper intimacy, but understanding it may look very different for us than other relationships. Just because we don’t shower together doesn’t mean we don’t have a good thing happening….. 🙂
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So very true! You do have a good thing going. And my prayer for you both is that the intimacy does go deeper in all three categories 🙂
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You’re different and unique, my brother; fearfully and wonderfully made! If it’s the Lords will, until that day; may God’s love be your companion! Blessings!
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