Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Beholder

Guys, when you tell your wife how beautiful she is and her reaction is to turn around in circles and go “where” or “ who are you talking to” I know it hurts. I have felt that pain before…many times. Those words are the ones my wife used.

Many times while my wife was taking a shower I would just walk in, stick my head in the shower and say “Hey beautiful.” Only to have her turn around in the shower and look the other way and say “Where?”

I will be blatantly honest here…it actually killed me. Those few words showed me that she did not believe me….she didn’t trust my feelings of what I saw. Plus, it showed me that she did not see herself as beautiful. Which actually hurt me more than the fact that she didn’t believe me. It hurt because she was beautiful and still is despite that fact that we are no longer together.

Now, I know my ex-wife had several people in her past say some bad things to her in reference to her weight and her looks. The sad thing is, and we all know this to be true, words hurt. And if people say it enough we can actually start to believe them. Even Solomon in the Bible knew this. Proverbs 16:21 tells us this: Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love its use will eat its fruit. And once you believe the words spoken it is hard to understand how anyone can see you differently…even your husband.

What got my attention the first time I saw her was her outward beauty. But then as time went on and we got to know each other better I got to see her inner beauty as well. The caring for others. Her willingness to help without thought for herself. The sharing of her time to listen to friends who just need an ear. And a lot of times it was me who needed that ear as I was dealing with a lot even back then. Those are attributes of true beauty. And we husbands see it. We may not necessarily comment on it per se, but none the less we see it and admire it.

When my wife and I started having sex she did not really want to do it in the light. But that slowly changed and here is why. She became aware that I loved seeing her naked and making love to her in the light allowed me to see her eyes looking into mine. It also gave me a chance to watch her body react to our love-making. Believe it when I say this…there is beauty in that. I loved seeing her naked and she knew, yet she did not believe herself to be beautiful.

Here is what I believe she saw compared to what I saw.

She saw her stretch marks from carrying her first daughter. What I saw were love marks of a woman who, while unmarried, became pregnant and chose to keep her baby. Carry her to term and raise her in a loving environment.

After becoming pregnant with our first child, I am sure she just saw the weight gain. And then had thoughts of “Great, more stretch marks” and “I already have a hard enough time seeing my feet.”

What I saw was a beautiful woman, my wife, carrying our child. An act of love for a lifetime. More stretch marks on her would not have made her any less beautiful to me.

And that beautiful woman became sexy I tell you. To me there is nothing sexier than a pregnant woman. Don’t know why…just one of my things.

She had concerns over her breasts being too big and that they sagged a little. I will be honest, as that is my goal here, they were big and did sag a little but guess what? I did not care one bit. They were a part of the woman I loved so therefore I loved them. Many a night had I laid my head or hand on one or both of those breasts. They are signs of comfort not just for me but for the children as well. I loved watching the children climb in her lap and put their head on her chest for comfort.

When it comes to make-up I will let you know that I do not care for it. One it does not taste good, two there really is no need and three it is too dang expensive. And most women use too much. Make-up is an enhancer not a mask. The real you…the real beauty is under that stuff.

 Beauty

Ladies, may I share a few things with you?

We as husbands, see things differently just as you do. And there are just as many husbands out there that feel unattractive to their wives as there are wives who feel unattractive to their husbands.

So, if you have a husband who tells you are beautiful please believe him, for he is seeing you through his eyes and with a love that no other man can know. If he is a man of God he is also seeing you through the eyes of God as well.

Take his compliment and appreciate his love for you.

Below you will find links to other awesome blog posts on beauty…

Christian And Sexy. by Bonny over at Pearl’s OysterBed.

 Beautiful?,  over at Forgiven Wife

What If… Your Husband Really Does Love Your Body by Scott over at Journey To Surrender

Feeling Beautiful Starts In The Mind that Keelie from Love Hope Adventure wrote as a guest blogger for J over at Hot, Holy & Humorous…which is another blogsite I highly recommend.

Here is one directed at mothers but truly to all women:

To Mothers of Girls by Rachael over at Three Boys And A Mom.

From the man’s perspective…

The Most Beautiful Woman In The World   Jason over at My Beloved Is Mine

10 Ways to Tell Your Wife She is Beautiful by Uplifting Love

Here is a new post by Heaven Made Marriage entitled Your Husband Really Loves Your Body

Originally posted April 24th, 2014

46 thoughts on “Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Beholder”

    1. Thank you sis!

      It was tough for me to write this one as it brought back many thoughts and memories of a marriage I did not want to end. But there are so many who have feelings of being unattractive to their spouse for many different reasons. I had those feeling once myself.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s good that you wrote it and will be a blessing to the many that you shared it with because we all need to realize that unless we look deep inside of ourselves to identify our flaws and make the needed changes we need to truly love ourselves, we will never be able to fully love another.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Thank you for your honesty even though it was hard to write. It will minister to many. You’d think if you tell someone they are beautiful, one time would be enough. For most women, that can’t be further from the truth. Women cannot be told enough they are completely beautiful in their husband’s eyes. If you tell us enough, maybe, just maybe, after the millionth time we will start to believe it.

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    1. Thanks Bonny. The funny thing is this: the day I was going to post this Chris over @Forgiven Wife beat me to the punch. I read hers and was like wow. I told her that I was going to post about the same, but had decided not to since hers was awesome. She told me to post mine anyway. I prayed over it and God said that I needed to…to have it from a man’s perspective. And since He gives me most of post thoughts of course I agreed.

      And yes, it was difficult to write, but if it helps one marriage then it was worth the memory flashblacks.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’ve seen a pattern in how the Holy Spirit prompts marriage bloggers to write on the same topic. Never hold back posting your thoughts! Even though, I’ve thought, ‘I hope they don’t think I’m copying them.’

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Yes, I’m stalking your posts. Embrace it. 🙂

    This was a great post. You never hear these things from a guys side.

    I’ve always been a bigger girl, it runs in my family. When I was younger,I was nicely shaped, but after three kids, my body rebelled, as I like to call it. The stretchmarks took over, and having had a c- section then another pregnancy, gave me a baby flap that I can never get rid of without surgery.

    Needless to say, because of this, I developed some body issues….And my muffin top turned into an entire bakery. But I’ve always had a pretty face and a great sense of humor, so I faked the confidence for the most part. But I never really believed I was physically attractive, even when people (guys) would tell me. Accepting compliments, even when sincere, is the hardest thing to do when you see something on yourself that you deem not attractive or ugly or disgusting.

    As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned though. And the confidence is no longer faked for the most part. Even though I still think my body is rather ewwww sometimes, I’m also aware that what I see is completely different than what others see, and I actually accept that.

    Thank you for a guys perspective. All females should hear this objectively once or five times in their lives.

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  3. You are right on all of it. And I found my wife extremely sexy when she was pregnant as I do when she is not.

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  4. Hi Stuart, thanks for connecting posts with me!

    Man, I’m sorry to hear your story went the way it did. But it is still good to see a man loving his wife in a way that pleases God – even though he can no longer hold her.

    Lord, please hold this man up with your strength, and give him comfort & peace as you bring him into the next phase of whatever Your plan is for his life. ~Amen.

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  5. […] What if….Your Husband Really Does Love Your Body?, by Scott at Journey to Surrender Also see, Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder, by Stuart Tutt.   For the flip side (male perspective) on beauty of the female form, please […]

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    1. Dear Tosin, don’t see it as you being foolish. Sometimes it takes seeing things through the eyes of another to really see. There is a song that I will be sharing soon as part of my Sunday Music series that brought me to tears when a certain someone shared it with me in reference to this very topic.

      I’m so thankful that by me sharing my pain of being unbelieved in gave you that moment of clarity to believe your husband.

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  6. This post has caused a huge lump in my throat. Not all of us have husbands who tell us that we are beautiful and sexy. So, men, if you think your wife is beautiful, please keep telling her and reinforcing that. There is a reason that she doesn’t believe you, but, please, please, please keep telling her and showing her. She desperately needs to hear it from you, her husband.

    I have had to ask my husband if he thinks I am beautiful. He will answer yes. I have asked him to tell me I am beautiful, but he just won’t or can’t do it. Even though I am a beautiful woman on the inside, and certainly not hideous on the outside. He often acts surprised that I am fishing for those words. So, if he were to begin, yes, indeed, I would be highly doubtful of his sincerity. Even if I respond with “where?” or “who are you talking to?” I need to be beautiful in his eyes. I yearn to hear those words.

    What your post has done for me today, Stu, is help me to understand that when my husband is finally able to see my through God’s eyes and tell me I am beautiful, it just may be the truth.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Amazing! I can also understand both parties here. As someone who had her first baby and ‘bounced’ right back because I was 22 and determined, got married at a size 2, I can’t relate to her. My body after 6 is NO where near a size 2! No where. So, beating myself up over this is understandable and maybe something that only someone whose been through the same would understand. Yes, I try to be positive, after all I have carried 6 children. However, it’s not the body I’ve been seeing, used to seeing, etc. Sure it helps to have a loving husband telling me otherwise, but the problem isn’t the husband, it’s the woman. Until the woman – if vain, fully accepts her new body, loves it, and treasures it for ALL its endured, Jesus himself won’t convince her otherwise. It’s an inner negative self body image, that also society itself puts on to woman. Woman bare children, our bodies will never be same after birthing them. Great post Stuart – appreciate the honesty. 🙏🏽🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for this comment Ana! You have brought up a VERY valid point in how society “says” a woman should look. And it’s sad.

      Society does the same for men just not as drastic in my opinion. Though I am sure no “hunk”.

      I admire you husband for telling you otherwise 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  8. There’s a lot of truth in this post Stu, and you’re right about what our eyes see, I’ve been married to my wife now for 48 years and time has taken it’s toll on both of us but …. I still see her as beautiful, always have. Although sometimes when she get mad at me …….

    Liked by 1 person

  9. This is a great post and your viewpoint is eye-opening for me. I truly appreciate your perspective.

    I would add though, that – at least for me – finding out about my husband’s pornography and other sex addiction vices (including physical affairs) means that when my husband says “You are beautiful,” in my head I now hear the additional phrase “… but not beautiful enough.”

    I fully understand that his addiction isn’t “about” me, but it’s hard to teach my kids that actions speak louder than words when I’m trying to convince myself to hear my husbands words and to put his actions in the past. It is a work in progress.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you for your comment. There are a lot of women, as I’m sure you know, that feel the same as you.
      I truly wish the devil never stained the act of sexual intimacy like he has. It sucks and I hate it. I’ve been down that road.
      There is freedom. There is a newness of heart and a newness of action. Though trust has been broken it can be restored.
      Your children will see you love your husband despite his faults of the past. That will speak volumes.

      Liked by 3 people

  10. Very true! I use to refuse my husband’s complements, because of my low self esteem. He finally just quit trying lol. We are still married, and I have more confidence but, oh if I can turn back the hands of time.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think we have all had the low self esteem issue at one time.or another. The last woman I was seeing asked me one day why I didn’t see myself as sexy like she does. I just looked at her and said because no one has ever told me that but you. She gave me confidence I never had before. We are not dating anymore but she helped me so much to see myself differently.

      Hopefully your husband still compliments you on occasion 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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