The Sunshine Blogger Award | Testimony

Ok guys, let’s be real..Amy played me…lol.

You see, I nominated her for the Sunshine Blogger Award and then she turns around and nominates me.

She answered the questions I posed amazingly! But her number of questions for her nominees were waaayyy off!

Yeah..Amy is breaking the rules. πŸ™ƒ

She asks one. One! And yet that one question is one that I am sure she has been wanting me to answer probably since we started following each other’s blog.

Here is her one question…

Here’s what I want to do with this award this time. What is your testimony?

I want you, if you choose, to write where you were in your life when God pulled you out and into His marvelous light. Make it as long or short as you want. Write a poem or even a short story, whatever tickles your fancy that we the readers can have an idea how your life changed when you met God.

So…that’s why I said she played me.

When I read her post and her question I just giggled and all I could say was “Yep, she got me.” πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

For those who have not been following my blog for a long time, I have three posts where I have shared parts of my story…

The Playground tells about the beginnings of my struggle with lust and sexual things.

Dear Porn Star: Please Forgive Me Which has a warning to read at your own risk. I hold no words back. I talk about an experience I had one night with God where He hit me over the head with the proverbial two-by-four.

My Testimony is one that I wrote for our Celebrate Recovery’s Honduras mission trip. I then shared it at Richland Celebrate Recovery on chip night after completing the 12 steps. It is kind of short and no where near the full story.

But you will also see a piece of me in everything I write.

And now you shall have more…thanks to Amy πŸ™‚

I grew up in church for the most part. My mom made sure I was there on Sundays from kindergarten to high school. Well, most of high school.

I accepted Jesus into my heart at a young age. I remember that pulling on my heart strings so I walked down the aisle. Next Sunday I was baptized by Bro. W.D. “Step” Martin. A man of God who I came to truly respect over the years.

It felt as if things immediately changed. You see the devil wasn’t worried about me til that moment. Yeah he had his hooks in me. I just never felt it so strong…all those arrows.

So, it’s like I’ve been Christian my whole life. I just made A LOT of bad choices along the way. And I continued until He and I were not on speaking terms. Well, He was talking to me I just wasn’t listening.

I guess growing up in the fire and brimstone preaching era had it’s consequences for many Christians. We had fire insurance. At least that’s the way I see it.

Yes, I accepted Christ. I didn’t want to go to hell…that eternal separation from God. But I still did what Stu wanted to do. I had head knowledge of God, Jesus and the Word.

All the while I was struggling with a problem with porn, masturbation and sex. Drinking was a regular weekend thing…even with my church buddies.

All the above continued until I got married, I straightened up.

I chose to quit drinking when my ex-wife became pregnant with our first child. I didn’t want my kids to have an alcoholic father.

I also started praying again and going to church. Making sure my kids went to church with their dad, unlike my childhood.

But, God and I still had some issues that needed work or rather I did.

The devil was still attacking me on so many fronts.

My ex-wife and I were both managers for the same company. Our time was not our own. Even at home…if work called…well you had to answer the phone or go to work and fix something. And with kids, washing clothes, baby bottles, yard work, house work and taking care of the kids we really had no time for us. That and the fact that on many nights I would come home and she would leave to go work out.

Slowly, depression set in. I didn’t show it to my wife or the kids but it was there knocking the wind out of me no matter how hard I fought it. With everything going on we had no connection.

Then one day I hear this…

“I don’t love you anymore.”

And she wanted me to leave.

Total devastation! I was worried for the kids. I was worried for her. I was worried for me.

It took those devastating words for God to pull my head out of my own rear though.

It was then that God was able to move in my heart and life. I was broken. You would think almost dying from alcohol would have broken me…nope. You would think all the other things that had happened in my life due to my own choices would have broken me, but they didn’t. Five words did!

I moved out. The kids helped me pick my new “home”. And it was on those first very lonely nights that I truly and I mean truly cried out.

A lot of why’s and how’s. A lot of deep soul searching. Come to find out I was just plain selfish and had been my whole life. It’s like I said earlier, I had fire insurance and head knowledge.

But I began to transfer that knowledge from my head to my heart as I started allowing God to open more closet doors. He helped me clean house. Gave me a new heart.

As hard as it is to say this, I am so thankful for the brokenness. I am thankful that God never gave up on me, though at times I gave up on Him.

I still have my issues. But praise God I am NOT that selfish jerk that I was. And praise God I am not bound in chains by porn any longer.

I truly am a blessed man. I am a new man. A man with a mind that is constantly being renewed daily. A man whose heart is no longer set out to please himself. Yeah, ok, I’m still a little selfish in some areas. But now I am more of a giver than a taker.

I am also a man who is not afraid to share his past hurts and struggles. I will admit though, at times I fear being too forthcoming with certain things. I say that and yet I just shared my same sex attraction issue…lol.

Also, I am not afraid to point people to God. Because if He can love me, the worst of sinners, then He can and will love anyone!

Amy, this is not the full story, of course, as it would take a book to pen all that I have been through. Maybe I should write a post once a month starting at the beginning and move forward. Something I have not thought of doing til now. I wonder how it would work?

37 thoughts on “The Sunshine Blogger Award | Testimony”

  1. This is the most interesting award post I have read till now……it takes a lot of courage to open up about your life struggles and you have done it effortlessly. BravoπŸ‘πŸ‘

    Liked by 2 people

  2. This is good! Just what I wanted, what it took to get you to God. Thank you for your honesty! I’ll be saving it for my post picks..also it’s not everyday we hear a man admit to his selfishness, so that’s really cool too.”But I began to transfer that knowledge from my head to my heart as I started allowing God to open more closet doors. He helped me clean house. Gave me a new heart.” Is my favorite line!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh wow. Jesus is all this world ever needs. He turns that hearts of us all towards purity, the way only He can. You’re just a stunning example of the awesome power of the love of Jesus and the cross. You already know how much I respect you, Stu. I’m in awe of the Jesus in you!

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I hope you enjoyed reading while drinking some coffee πŸ™‚

        What God has done for me is small compared to the unimaginable stories that are out there waiting their turn to be shared and heard.
        Jesus, IN me is correct Tosin. It only through Him and by Him that I am who I am.

        I respect you so much as well, Tosin. What a journey πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

        1. If I tell you that I never got about getting the coffee πŸ˜‚ I couldn’t put the phone down till I was done reading πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

          Our stories will, by the power of Jesus, continue to touch lives and point them to Him. πŸ’ž And the love will keep going round.

          Liked by 1 person

  3. Stuart, thank you so much for sharing that! You are so awesome for being able to share that, let alone look back and be happy that you are where you are today despite your past. That’s a true blessing, and your story definitely encourages those like me who have a lot of brokenness to sort through. As always, you truly have a gift ❀ God bless you as always, friend! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for your kind words, yet again, Destiny. We are all broken honestly. I just finally allowed the Creator to put me back together πŸ™‚ I would still be breaking myself and others if I hadn’t.
      Love ya sis ❀

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Congrats on being nominated. But most of all, thank you for sharing your heart here. It is hard to write your own testimony, especially when GOD has humbled you in the way HE does. I would rather hear about anyone else then talk about me. Our testimonies are our examples of GOD’S love and forgiveness, and they always give hope to someone. How wonderful when we hear another say,,,, “me too, I have been through that also.” Let us continue to encourage one another with our testimonies, being authentic and showing our brokenness as you have here. Because GOD sent HIS SON into our broken world to make a way. Excellent post!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for this wonderful comment you have given Maxine!

      It is hard writing your own story. I’m always going what do I share and how much of it before God got a hold of me. I do it different every time. When I Celebrate Recovery sharing with the men, I can open up a little more. When I’m sharing in front of both genders I’m more laid back, per se and not going into so much detail of the sin but rather focusing on why I did that and how God helped me recover.

      I completely agree in sharing our brokeness. We have all been broken and if we, the child of God, can not be real and sincere about our brokeness…how will they believe us that God can heal, repair and transform…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Amen!! I have found myself to be drawn to authentic people. So many have a wall around them, and you have to be sad for that. Once you have shared your heart in the open you realize that JESUS is right there with you and HE will protect you no matter what anyone says or thinks. I always know HE is my safe place!!

        Liked by 1 person

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