Here in lies a very big truth.
No matter what you struggle with, you can not heal if you refuse to confront the core issue.
True freedom comes with surrendering everything. If you are not willing to allow God into that big closet that houses all those hurts you’ve been hanging on to, you will not heal. You will not find true freedom.
You can white knuckle it for months at a time but eventually, because you have not addressed the core issue or issues, you will fall. Then you have to cope with the guilt and shame all over again.
I played that merry-go-round for years. You want to know what made me get off that ride and seek out the root of my problems? I honestly got tired of the cycle.
Every single time I fell I would scream out to God asking “Why can’t I stop?”and “Why am I this way?” You can read about part of the why here. I was fighting too many demons and it affected my mind, my body and my health. I was just tired.
I had to get help. I had to confront it all. So I sought out men who had struggled with porn and won. I had to open up and real honest about a lot of things I had kept buried. As James 5:16 states…
Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.
It’s really scary and yet so freeing to be open…to be…honest…to be… vulnerable.
That vulnerability gave me the chance to truly heal certain wounds. I will be honest that confronting certain parts of my past was very painful but it was worth it.
But what keeps me from going back to that lifestyle is not the guys that helped me, nor is it the guys that I help, but rather a fear of sorts. I am afraid that this verse in 2 Peter will come true.
I was messed up back then I tell you. I truly was polluted. My thoughts of intimacy was polluted. My thoughts of sex was polluted. My whole life was polluted. I can NOT for the life of me even begin to image it being worse. And I do not want to find out.
That’s why I continue fighting through the loneliness and all the other triggers that once held me. And I fight it through prayer, reading my Bible, reaching out to the very ones who are struggling and yes, white knuckling it for a day or two if I have to.
You may ask why I still have to white knuckle it on occasion when I am walking in freedom from porn addiction…it’s because, though I am a child God saved by His grace, I never once said I was walking in freedom from sin.
Dear friends, if you want to truly heal from your hurts, your fears and even your addiction you have to be willing to confront the very things, the core issues, that caused them.