I hear it all the time…four words…”I can’t control myself.”
To be honest with you, there was a time where I believed that lie. Yeah, I said lie.
The lie is you can’t. The truth is you don’t want to.
Don’t get me wrong accidents happen. Heck, I have to be careful when searching for images to use on my posts. I’ve accidentally seen stuff. But, I didn’t stay there fixated on that image with a deer in headlights look. I exited and changed my search term.
The thing, for me, is this…we must choose. Do we choose to follow God or do we follow ourselves?
I understand addiction. Trust me when I say that please. Now, yours may be different than mine was but it all comes down to choice regardless of the struggle.
When I was just beginning my recovery from porn addiction I fell. And I fell a LOT. I still used it to self medicate my hurts.
Many nights of being alone would wear me down and though I knew that porn would not help with the loneliness I chose to watch it. I chose to allow it to release the built up tension instead of giving it to God. A God, who was right there waiting to give me the release I needed. An emotional release and not necessarily a physical one.
Instead of crying out to God in my loneliness I chose porn. And God would always give me ways out. I just didn’t take them, I’m sad to say.
Now, I choose to serve the Lord daily in one form or another. I wake up every morning saying ok God, today is yours. And I try my hardest to keep it in his hands and not take it back.
But enough of Stu and his past for now. The whole point of this post is this…
Choose this day whom you will serve! Will it be God or yourself?
I understand how hard it is to say no. Urges are hard and it doesn’t matter what the urge is. It can be an extra slice of pie, that one extra drink or heck that first drink, that second helping or that one look that “won’t hurt”. That I can’t take it anymore I need to numb myself…
It’s in moments like those where our choices determine our well-being, our sanity, our integrity, and yeah, our faith.
It’s in those moments when we need to say “I want to change! I’m going to change! And God you’re going to help me!”
May we ask for your guidance as we daily choose to follow you. Give us the strength we need to continually seek your will for our lives. That you continue to break our hearts for what breaks yours Lord.
I ask Father, that each of us boldly say I chose you this day. May we come to you with those undeniable urges and say Lord, I can’t do this on my own. I can’t fight it in my own strength so I ask for your strength.
That when we are at our weakest you offer a way out. And that we take it.
In Christ’s precious name I ask this of you Father