There is something I have learned in the six months or so since returning to Celebrate Recovery…besides the fact that I still need it. Here it is…there are men and women, dads and moms that feel as if they have let their children down. And in a lot of ways.
And I am one of those dad’s. For years I felt that way, even when my wife and I were together.
For those who have followed my blog know that I love my kids and I cherish every moment I can get to spend time with them. Even if it’s just sitting in their Taekwondo school watching them practice.
You see, I get to be with them and they get to see me supporting them in their endevour to be the best they can be. I try my hardest to spend as much quality time with them as possible because I know that there are dads and moms out there that do not care about their kids. Or they can not be with their kids for whatever reason…though they love them dearly and want to be.
For some, it’s like once they get separated or divorced the children are no longer a concern and that is not how it should be. I have seen first-hand how it affects the children. I see the look on their faces and I can feel their sorrow and disappointment.
And I have been a child whose parent was present but not there.
And hearing stories from different people over the last several months about their addictions and what it has done to their children hurts me. Then there is that one question that always rears its head…how can I make it up to my son or my daughter. Or the statement…I have wasted so much precious time with my child being addicted, messed up and now by being away and getting sober.
Here is what I would tell these men and women…you can’t but you can start fresh.
I say that with somewhat restraint because I do know that you can make it up, but it is by being a different person than you were. You can not buy their trust back with trinkets. But you can “make it up” by being a better father or mother to your children. Stay sober, stay diligent, make Christ the focal point in your life and be there for you children.
Will they forget all the bad? No, probably not. But the new you, can be a game changer in their lives as they witness a rebirthing from who you used to be to who you are now. And to witness a parent change for the better is awesome.
As a parent spends more time with their children, that child will slowly forget some of the bad as the good new times starts to out weigh the old bad times.
You see, time spent is just that…it’s spent. You can’t get it back. That moment is gone forever and never to return.
And yet, that one thing that is so fleeting is the most valued commodity we can give our children…our time.
So, as a parent spend time with your children. Invest in their lives. Get to know your child. Their likes and dislikes. Get to know their heart. You may come to realize that their heart is just like yours was at that age and you will want to protect it.
And if we, regardless of circumstances, as parents continue to give our children our time and invest it into their lives we will see an impact for the good. We will see a harvest of good, as they in turn give their time and invest in others.
2 thoughts on “Don’t Give Up Because Of Lost Time”
Our children are young adults now and no longer living in our home, but it is still not too late to invest in those relationships. Our son and daughter have both embraced the incredible transformation in their father, and in me. Our daughter was particularly affected by growing up in a home ravaged by sex/porn addiction and intimacy anorexia, but we are witnessing the healing in our lives, marriage, and home having a ripple effect on her. God is busy restoring our whole family and drawing us together even though we live apart. But we as parents are part of God’s plan to do that. It changes us, and it changes them.
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That is awesome that they are embracing the transformation! And the fact it is having a ripple effect (which by the way is a good post title 🙂 ) on her is truly a blessing.
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