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I have always believed in God. Even as a child, before I accepted Christ, I believed because my mom did.

As I grew older I would always pray asking for God to heal a friend or help me with a certain situation that was plaguing me. Very seldom were those prayers answered and I never could figure out why. And yet, I always knew that He would protect me and show up in a mighty way when it was the right time.

Nowadays, I have so much on my heart that is truly tearing me apart and it is affecting every area of my life.

Don’t get me wrong I still pray…all the time for my friends, loved ones and for myself but it’s just that now, honestly, I don’t believe that the prayers will be answered. It feels like God has kind of left me to suffer in silence and alone.

That falls on me and not God. My faith is still there but my knowledge of who God truly is has waivered here of late, which has caused my faith to falter as well.

I believe my answer lies within James chapter 1

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,

because you know that the testing of your faith produces patience.

Let patience finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 

That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 

Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.

As, I said earlier I always believed in God. But to be honest here of late I have not truly been seeking Him. In order for me to get passed the struggles I am dealing with and attempt to move forward is to get closer to God. I have to get to know Him better.

I am so tired of being tossed around like a feather in a tornado. I have to get over my doubts that God just really doesn’t care about my happiness at times or that the desires of my heart matter little to Him.

Pray for me please as I seek God and figure out who I am in Him. For that abundant life that is promised I want and need.