Here lately I have had many things to ponder. So much is going on in my life. Do I continue to write? I ask that question to myself a lot. It’s for lack of material…per se. It is for lack of time. If I continue to write, do I write more about porn and how it has affected me or do I write about more Godly things such as being the leader of the home…spiritually speaking.
As it is right now God has given me many thoughts on both topics. Now, understand that God has not told me to stop writing at all. It’s just something on my mind. He never stops speaking to me. My thing is managing my time to be able to put down what He says, when He says it to me so I do not forget by the end of the day.
Do I continue dating this amazing woman God has brought back into my life after years apart? Do I move from the town I live in now, where my kids are at, to the town I grew up in? With that move, yes, I will be closer to the woman I love but at the same time unable to see my kids as often as I want.
Right now I see my kids every day, for the most part. But once I make the move to my home town I may not be able to see them every other weekend simply because of time restraints and all the things the kids are involved in. Will they hate me for moving? Will they not love me anymore? Yeah, I know…crazy question but one I asked myself every day for the past several months.
I could go on and on about the woman I love but I will not because I have not asked her if I could share my thoughts. I will say that I love her dearly and she brings out the good in me. She lifts me up instead of tearing me down. It is through her that I found what my love language is and how much I so desperately need it in my life. She is amazing!!
I do want to move so that we can spend more time together building our relationship. That I do know. Being two hours apart may not seem like much to some people but to her and I it may as well be like we are on opposite sides of the world from each other. So in order to build the relationship not only do I know I want to move but I must move.
Career change might have to happen when I move as well. It takes about a full tank of gas, roughly fifty dollars, to go see my girlfriend on the weekends. That means if I were to try to commute it would consume the majority of my paycheck in gas driving back and forth. I love my job for several reasons. One being that it is eight to five Monday thru Friday. Two, I have weekends off. Then you have the simple fact that, though tiring, I enjoy it completely.
I could transfer to another location…if someone dies or quits. Those are about the only two ways to transfer with the company it seems like. So I am asking if you could pray for me in this area of my life for guidance.
I also have a hard time being able to communicate properly. Maybe it is all those years of hiding my porn usage to everyone. Maybe it’s that I never saw true communication between my parents. I don’t know. I do know that I need to change how I communicate things. So please pray for me in that area if you do not mind.