I sit here watching you play with your Lego pieces and using them to build things from your imagination. You have basically gotten out of your car stage…you hardly even play with them at all anymore.
You are growing so fast. You are becoming a young little man.
I am trying so hard not to look at the future too much because it scares me sometimes. But I do realize that your future is right around the corner. And that future, due to the way the world is now, can be a very dangerous one.
There are a few things I feel I need to write down so I can remember them later. Maybe I will share this with you when you get a little older.
Prayerfully, you will be smarter than I was and I won’t have to but…just in case…
There is a very big problem in the world today. People are condoning sin as a way a life and have basically abandoned their love of God. They live for themselves now son.
There was a time when I did that as well.
Allow me to explain what I mean by that.
You see son, daddy was raised in a “Christian” home where I was taken to church every time the doors were open. I knew right from wrong. But I lived a double life. I appeared one way in public but behind closed doors, son, I was someone else.
I guess I appeared to have it all together back then. I had a beautiful girlfriend, went to church, listened to Christian rock music all the time, obeyed my parents and made good grades in school.
But I had a hidden lifestyle that no one really knew about except my closest of friends. I was a porn/sex addict.
Unfortunately, son, at the age of twelve I ran across a magazine that showed pictures of naked women. And for some reason I just could not stop looking at it.
But it progressed into something much worse. I went from looking at the magazine to watching people have sex on video to actually having sex with different people. I was hooked for many reasons.
I also was depressed because our family life was not what people saw. What others saw was the “perfect” marriage but my parents had no such thing. I was a loner for that very same reason despite all the friends I had. I stayed to myself so people wouldn’t see the hurting hidden young man behind the mask.
I was attracted to both sexes. That, in and of itself, is not a bad thing. You can look at a man and say he is handsome or see the beauty in a woman. But because of pornography my mind took it to a whole different level. It took a lot of will power not to envision what they looked like without clothes on. Sometimes I won those battles…but mostly I failed.
I started hanging with, as some people would say, the “wrong” people. But they were my friends. I eventually fell to peer pressure. I started drinking and smoking.
Even, in my sin God was watching out for me. I almost died from drinking too much…twice. And you, my son, almost died twice in your mom’s belly. You were to be born though.
You are a miracle, a gift, a precious life that is to be cherished. And with your birth came responsibility. A responsibility to love you, nurture you and guide you into manhood.
And because of that responsibility I need to…no, I must tell you this…stay away from pornography. Son, it takes what God created as good and turns it bad. It will take your mind and warp it.
Porn will warp your mind and take it and you to places I wish no one would go. It will make you see women, not as God intended, but rather as means to an end. It makes you see sex as a selfish act.
It will give you low self-esteem…at least it did for me. It gives you a skewed view of men and women. Son, not all men are as well-endowed as the ones shown in the videos. And not all women are big breasted, nor will they want to or be willing to do what is shown in the videos.
The porn industry does not see people as people but as a commodity to make money.
Son, I realize that I can never shield you from everything bad in this world…I wish I could though. Pornography is one of those things bad things that leads to heartache, shame and guilt.
I want to be a Godly example for you to follow. But there is only one Godly example…and that is Jesus.
I will try my best to lead you into manhood by being there for you and being real and honest. I will make mistakes along the way I know that…but having pornography accessible to you will not be one of those.
One day soon, I will have to have “the” father & son talk. I am already praying and asking God what to say and how to say it.
Please know that you were fearfully and wonderfully created by God. You are perfect just the way you are. You were created by God and He has a purpose for your life and for your sex life…within the covenant of marriage.
I love you son,