I Wish I Had Apologized

You can laugh if you want or just call me crazy for what I am about to say but I feel the need to share something in the wake of a death that happened recently to a family I know…several of them I hold dear to my heart.

And since this death just happened Sunday evening/Monday morning it is fresh in my mind.

Know these are MY feelings and no one else’s. Hopefully I do not hurt anyone with this one…

Of course, there was a time where I had never met this person before and it took years for us to finally “meet”. Oh…but I had heard so much about this person over those years. I honestly can’t think of a good thing said. It was always with negativity that this person’s name was even mentioned…until recently.

To be honest many of the things said made me not like this person very much despite the fact I had never met them in person.

The main one was in the fact that this person did not want to help raise the children of the person they were living with. What I had heard from others was I have raised my own children I do not want to raise yours too.

What type of person would say that?!?

That made me not only despise her but the person with whom she was with.  He gave custodianship of his children to his parents so he could be with her. Made no freaking sense at all.

I will tell you this: if I ever date a woman who says I want basically nothing to do with your kids I will tell her to kiss my butt and walk away…in a heart beat. I would never abandon my children for a woman. Or in my own words to his face…”What the hell were you thinking? Why would you give your kids away for a piece of ass because that is what it looks like from my viewpoint?

That conversation really put a strain on my marriage as it was a very close relative to whom I was speaking to. But I just could not fathom what he had done. Still can’t. And probably never will.

But enough of that.

I know I should not have had an issue with this woman. The kids she chose not to help raise were not mine. So technically, it was none of my business.

God had told me to make amends with the man I had that conversation with. I had never felt the desire nor the urging to ask her to forgive me for my attitude and feelings towards her.

Now that she is at home with God I feel some remorse in not saying I am sorry.

In her own way I am sure was a loving and caring woman. And she was someone’s daughter, someone’s loved one and someone’s mom. But more importantly, though I did not know this until after her passing, she was a daughter of God.

I guess the point of this post is to say this:

If you have unresolved issues with someone…make amends as soon as possible.

No one’s tomorrow is guaranteed. God can call anyone of us home in the next minute, hour, day, month or year. Why suffer with the I wish I had apologized to so and so.

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