Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor;
For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him that is alone when he falls; for he has not another to help him up.
Again, if two lie together, then they have heat; but how can one be warm alone?
And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
While helping other addicts become free from porn, one of the most asked questions I get is “How do I become free from this?” And it does not matter who they are, what they have gone through or how long they have been addicted my answer is always the same. Prayer and accountability.
Now let me be honest. There is a lot more to it than just prayer and accountability!! But to me, they are the most important, as they are intertwined with all the other ways of becoming free.
When I started my journey to true freedom several years ago I started reading. The main reason I started reading was to understand how porn had affected my body. That reading lead to much prayer as I would constantly ask God to heal not only my mind but my body as well.
But as I continued in my journey to freedom, I realized that I could never fight this by myself. So I reached out. Not to my personal friends, though I could trust them, but friends I had met on Facebook. One in particular, Dave Bannister, who I met on a Stryper Fan page became one of the most important people in my life. I can no longer see my life without him in it. It is so amazing how God brings people into your life just at the right moment.
It turns out that Dave was struggling with porn as well. We chose to become each others accountability partner. We chose to pray for each other and to ask the other the hard questions. Some may not consider “Have you looked at porn today?” as a hard question but it is, especially if you have promised each other that you would always be honest.
We had a lot in common. We spent time talking via Facebook and over the phone. I have gone to his home in Alabama and he has come to mine in Louisiana. Dave and I are both free from our porn addictions. That is not to say it was easy by any means.
There were and still are a lot of tears shed, a lot of anger and a lot of venting to one another. It was hard recounting our molestation to each other. It was not easy to discuss our addiction. It was hard to be a sounding board to help the other find their triggers. It hurt calling the other and letting them know that you fell the night before and sharing that you either watched porn or masturbated…or both. It hurts to be honest. But I believe that is the point of being honest. It is supposed to hurt, because it goes against our very nature as people. Yet, we are called to do just that in scripture.
Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that you may be healed. The effectual, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.
Here is the thing with accountability partners and prayer. When you become accountable to someone you learn to trust that person…completely. Upon learning you can trust that person, you become honest with them. You go to them for all your problems in life. They become your sounding board. They become your go to person for prayer support no matter the issue at hand.
Praying for someone brings you closer together. You see, when you pray for someone God’s love for that person reaches your heart and you want what God wants…the very best for that person. And through that love and trust you can grow a bond that will last a lifetime.
Dave is now writing an autobiography about his life. I blog about mine. And both of us want others to become free from porn. That is why we held the Wrestling For Your Life Conference a few years ago. That is also why there will be another conference on the horizon. It is why we do what we do on social media…to help others and bring them to a closer relationship to God.
If you need an accountability partner for whatever you are dealing with start praying now. Ask God to prepare that person’s heart and mind to be able help you overcome your addictions. Pray for yourself as well. Pray for strength…for the journey to freedom is hard yet so worth it. But it does call for honesty and not only with another person but with God and yourself as well.
Accountability works but you have to put in the work.