I have been pondering that question for years
I mean sex is NOT all we think about. If it was; nothing at all, in this world, would get done.
There are plenty of other things that we think about or should…. Things like work, is she at home just wearing your t-shirt, the rent or mortgage payment that is due, can I make it home in time for lunch to see her, the car note, insurance payment, what nightie will she wear on date night, fishing, hunting, can we do it with the lights on, camping, swimming, sex in the shower and the neighbors dog that will not quit barking.
See, we can think about other things.
But at the heart of the question is the truth behind it.
Is it ALL about us? Obviously, it isn’t but for a lot of women it sure feels that way.
I would venture to say that they are right…to a certain degree. Here is why guys:
There are some men out there who do not give their wife the time of day until they are horny. That is just wrong!
There are some men who, if their wife came in the living room butt naked during a football game would probably get upset with her. And then expect her to perform later when he is ready….not!
We have a tendency of either skipping the foreplay and dive right in to intercourse or we rush it. Both of which are wrong unless it is a mutual agreed upon quickie.
Many of us have the problem of rolling over and going to sleep right after orgasm without thought of our wives needs. She needs the after-play as much as we do. The touches and sincere kissing and holding after sex are just as important as the fore-play if not more so.
I honestly believe that we, as men in general, have a tendency of not taking the time to learn our wives bodies and how they react to our touch, our kisses, our penetration and movements. I believe we just assume we already know how to please her. Even after years of marriage I believe that is the wrong way of thinking. Bodies change over time. Things that used to arouse could cause pain now especially after pregnancy or say a hysterectomy.
By skipping the foreplay we risk the chance of actually doing something we do not want to do at anytime, especially during sex and that is hurting our spouse. Some women reach a point in their life when the natural lubrication just does not happen as easily as it use to. Hence the need for foreplay. We need to help get the juices going. For some women it takes time. For some it comes easily. For some it can be that one kiss or touch that actually does get the juices going…but don’t skip the fun part of sex.
The key to foreplay is to remember that is an intimacy builder in and out of the bedroom. And that it does not start after taking off your clothes and getting in bed. It starts the moment you wake up in the morning. It starts with that ever so subtle good morning kiss and builds up through out the day to the time you actually can take off your clothes and get in bed (after a shower).
Intimacy according to Webster is a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person.
That is why foreplay is so important. You get close. You become familiar with your spouses body, movements and sighs. And it exhibits love and affection by giving of yourself.
I’ll be honest here guys. I love performing oral sex. I think I get more pleasure from it than the actual act of intercourse. It is just so much fun and yet so intimate at the same time. But I learned a few things a long time ago….
Just because she is breathing heavy does not mean she is about to have an orgasm..you could still be miles away…
When she twitches as you roll your tongue, finger or hand over a certain spot does not mean she wants you to stay there the whole time.
There are so many spots yet to be explored…and she wants you to explore them all…sometimes slow and sometimes fast.
Yes, you can use your fingers while giving oral pleasure to your spouse.
It is perfectly ok to watch her reactions. You actually learn quite a lot by doing so.
During the actual act please do not just stick to the missionary style. That is fun at times but not if you want to truly explore your spouses body while having sex. You want your hands free to be able to caress her breasts, rub her back, etc.
Do NOT forget the after-play. Especially if your wife has not reached an orgasm yet. Continue on with the manual stimulation. Hold her, kiss her and snuggle with her. the touching of bodies is still important even after orgasms. Who knows you both may find yourself wanting to go another round.
Here is the thing guys…sex can be all about us but not in a selfish way as most believe it is. And I am sure I will get some backlash from that statement…and that is perfectly fine. But you want to know why I say that?
It is because we, as men, get the joy of pleasing our wives in so many wonderful ways while being pleased. It is an honor to do so. One that should not be taken lightly I might add.