Is pre-fornication wrong? What is it exactly? How in the world did the word come to be?Prefornication

Weird questions, I know. Weird word too. Allow me to explain why I say it is a weird word.

Honestly, today was the very first time I had ever heard of pre-fornication. I saw it and was like “What the heck?”. That is almost an oxymoron. I mean, I get it, but at the same time I’m like come on. I mean you are either fornicating or you are not. That’s my opinion…but let’s look at it…

Fornication is voluntary sexual intercourse between two unmarried persons. It also means voluntary sexual intercourse between two person not married to each other (adultery). So by definition fornication is sex with penetration between two people whether they are both single or one is single and the other is married to another person.

So what is pre-fornication? Is it just kissing and petting? Could it be just holding hands? Could it possibly mean oral sex? Could the person have meant anything relating to dating someone as long as it was not physical intercourse? Hmmm….

I will not say the exact statement this young man used to describe what he was dealing with, out of respect and confidentiality. I will say that he used all those things listed above because everyone at one time or another deal with those issues and concerns, especially young new Christians, who are trying to overcome an area of their lives they never really had to control before much less think about really because there was no conviction prior. I will also say that my first response was you have got to be kidding me. I mean oral sex was mentioned. And it is just that, sexual activity using your mouth, teeth and tongue.

But let’s take a moment and break each one down.

Holding hands

  • To me holding hands is a simple gesture which can mean several things.
  • The first one being you have my attention. Like when you are sitting on the couch listening to each other talk.
  • Another meaning is that I want to keep you close to me while walking.
  • And another is during sex when you are in the heat of the moment and wanting all of your body touching. A wonderful experience.


  • There are so many different types of kisses.
  • There is the peck that says either hello or goodbye.
  • There is that loving kiss that says I have missed you. You know that one where your mouths linger prior to separating yet not really wanting too.
  • Then there is that special loving kiss where you tongues meet, linger and make up their own dance routine. Not tonsil hockey like some but with passion.


  • This one to me is a very fine line as far as leading into other areas of temptation. As heavy petting can tempt you to remove clothing, which in turn allows you to see your dates body.
  • Petting along with kissing can lead to caressing each others genital through the clothes. This, if not careful could also lead to physical contact with each others genitals, by moving your hands up a blouse and down the jeans. This, to me is a form of sex.
  • Petting can turn into the guy trying to use his finger on the girl for more excitement.

Oral Sex

  • The ultimate in foreplay as well as the ultimate in sexual activity. I enjoy oral sex more than the physical act of sexual intercourse I know…I know…weird right but for me the oral sex is more intimate. Though I do realize that it is the physical act that melds your body and mind together physically, mentally and spiritually.
  • Basically though, oral sex regardless of gender is a form of intercourse as you are actually penetrating a part of that person’s body.
  • If the male is performing oral sex on the girl he is penetrating her vulva with his tongue.
  • If the female is performing oral sex on the guy she is allowing him to penetrate her mouth with his penis.

So by definition of the root word for pre-fornication, which is fornication kissing, petting and oral sex can all have some sort of penetration involved. Do I believe kissing is a sin? No, I do not. Yet, if you are convicted by kissing your girlfriend then I say heed the Spirit’s prompting and stop. I will say this though….that those loving kisses can arouse feelings and those feelings gets the blood pumping. So be cautious out of respect for the other person.

I do not believe that holding hands is a sin either. And despite what my pastor said growing up…no girl ever became pregnant from holding my hand. Letting a person touch your hand or hug you shows them you trust them and that they can trust you.

Oral sex, on the other hand, is a sin if you are not married to said person you are engaging in the act with. It is fornication…not pre-fornication. Heavy petting is a sin as well, in my eyes. You are playing with someone’s body that you are not married too. She or he is not yours to do those things to or with. You are not married.

I did not realize that I put the bullet points in so-called base order..but I did. Maybe God wanted me too. All I know is that yes, it is a progression. It all starts innocent enough…holding hands. In this scenario 3rd base and home plate should be off-limits till you are married. My opinion. I know it is a hard thing to stop once started but it can be done.

When I first read that word…pre-fornication….it almost sounded as if the young man was trying to justify his sin. Or maybe he did not set boundaries and needed some clarification…of sorts. But, if we to take Christ at His word we know that when we look upon a person with lust in our heart we have already committed adultery, which is fornication, with that person. Lust is a very powerful tool the enemy uses to keep God’s children from following the Master’s plan for sex within marriage. We need to be aware and alert to temptation, call it what it is, and resist.

James 4:7 tells us to submit ourselves to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Most times it is just easier not to allow ourselves to placed in a situation where the temptation will occur. This can mean not being alone with a girlfriend or boyfriend. Hold yourself accountable. Be a young man of integrity.

I say sit down with your girlfriend/boyfriend in prayer, asking God what your boundaries should be, set them and stick to them. Pray together prior to going out or even staying in asking God for strength to not cross the line.

2 thoughts on “Pre-Fornication”

  1. My gut feeling is that sexual pleasure always has to be subject to Christian love. Always put the spiritual well-being of the other (who is a temple of the Holy Spirit!) first. Displays of affection are good things, but if activity ‘x’ is about lust and not love, try to stop.
    Until you want to marry each other, she is just a friend.
    There is plenty of time for exploring sexual pleasure once you get the ring.
    Not that I am perfect in this area. I was in an awful mood earlier this week and found myself fantasizing about a girl with whom I work. I guarantee there was no love involved. It was a crappy thing to do.


    1. Very good advice:
      ‘Until you want to marry each other, she is just a friend.
      There is plenty of time for exploring sexual pleasure once you get the ring.”

      I have not been perfect in this area either, brother.


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