As Father’s Day draws ever so near the one thing that stays on my mind is how blessed I am….that God answered my prayers..though I did not nor do I deserve that answer. Back in high school my English teacher, Mrs, Day, asked us all a very serious question that year. What do you want to be? Some of my classmates snickered when I gave my answer. My answer to one of the most serious questions in the world to a teen was simple, yet looking back now very profound. I said, “I want to be a good husband and father.”
When my wife and I separated I had very hard thoughts and a lot of depression. Honestly, the only thing that kept from truly wanting to take my own life was my children. It took about a year to realize that I was not a failure as a husband and father. What my wife and I did was not communicate effectively and try to work on our issues together. And because of that and a few other issues we just grew apart instead of together. And that is so sad because it has not only affected us individually but our children as well.
But through this God has been able to move in my life. I rededicated myself to God. Have an awesome relationship with my Father now. No more running!
And because of that I am now in the position to a better dad. I am prepared to spend the time in prayer for my children. I am prepared to read them Bible stories all the while answering their million questions. I am teaching my children how to pray. I am showing them how to apply the Bible into their daily lives in simple ways, yet it will be their foundation. I get my kids only two days a week so I spend quality and quantity time with them. We read, we play inside and outside together and we have some serious conversations. Erin is very inquisitive to say the least.
I am 46 years old now. By the time my son Brandon, who is 6 now, turns 20 I will be 66 old. He keeps telling me that when he hits 20 he is going to get married. I am like how about 30….something. But regardless of his age when he marries my prayer is that I lead him into manhood according to Godly principles and not societies ideals. And as long as I continue with my renewed relationship with my Father I know that I will. I also know I will make mistakes along the way. My prayer is that they are few and far apart. Brandon wants to be like me. I want him to better than me. I want him to be the best man he can possible be in life but with an integrity unlike no other. I so look forward to watching him grow into the man God wants him to be.
My Erin, who is 9, has a loving and giving spirit. Her willingness to help others has brought me to tears on more than one occasion. Now, granted, I had to answer her question as to why I was crying. I said “Angel, to answer that as simple as possible is that these tears are tears of joy and not sadness. These are happy tears….promise.” She recently told me that her mission in life is to see her daddy smile as much as possible. Her prayers for me are the most beautiful in the world. I try really hard to nurture her spirit. What an amazing women of God she will become.
They both pray for my walk with God. That I read the Bible more so that I can teach them. That I quit smoking so I can live long enough to see my grandkids. Yeah, I know right..talking grandkids with a 6 and 9-year-old. Oh my gosh!
There are so many dads out there that do not spend time with their children much less pray with them. I feel for those dads and the children. Man, the things that are being missed. Such precious memories Brandon, Erin and I already have. I would not trade them for the world.
I do not make a lot of money. Most of the time it is not enough to make ends meet so they do not get the new clothes, shoes and other things they want. They have what they need though. They miss me and I miss them through out the week when we are not together. My Father’s Day is every Wednesday and Saturday night when they come running to me with their smiles, giggles, sugars and hugs. And from Erin the true Butterfly Kiss. She gives me sugars with her arms out flapping her butterfly wings. Always..always brings a smile to this undeserving yet blessed dad.
As I said earlier small yet profound. I have one the most important jobs in the world….raising Godly children. And would not change a thing. Thank you Father for allowing me to be one. I will not step down from my role.