It is time for me to quit smoking!
One of the rules of XMA is that are to be no tobacco products during a mission trip.
But dang, I actually like smoking. I know it is bad for me and it is expensive as crap! When people say “You know those things will kill you, right?” I am always saying things like “Well, we all have to die one day” or “You know what? So will blow drying your hair over time.”
I have been holding onto the addiction for a long time. I had my first cigarette at the age of five or six in a field at the trailer park I lived in. And not too far away from where the playground was that started all my other issues. But anyway, when I got home I really got in trouble. Somehow a “little birdie” told my mom what I had been up to. Still to this day I am trying to figure out the little birdie because my sister was not with me. I never had another one until my girlfriend, my first true love, wanted to try smoking without being around a bunch of our friends. So I bought a pack. We both agreed they were nasty but I paid for them so I smoked them…enter addiction.
There are many of my loved ones who are actually allergic to cigarette smoke. One of whom I could see as my wife in years to come….Lord willing. My children keep asking me to quit.
I love them dearly and would love to see them in more graduations than Kindergarten. I want to walk my angel down the aisle to marry her Godly husband and have that butterfly kiss one last time. To be there for my son as he matures into the man God wants him to be.
Here is what the Lord put on my heart this morning in the shower..that’s my private place for prayer.
Ive been so selfish and controlling when it comes to my smoking. It is the “last” of my addictions I have not given control over to God. I guess it is the last of the old me and I have been holding on regardless of the effects on those I love and cherish.
I asked His forgiveness this morning for being selfish, uncaring of others, controlling and well just being unwilling to surrender. The journey has begun.
Please be in prayer for me as I go through this. No, I do not see this as being as hard as kicking the porn addiction but it is still an addiction.