I have found it quite amazing here lately that people ask me how I can talk so openly about my porn addiction and my feelings I had in reference to sex and my body. But what bothers me the most is when they ask me how I can talk to or hang out with a certain type of person. They are judging them based on choices that the person has made in their life and not the fact that the person I am talking, counseling or hanging with is a sinner that needs God’s grace just like I did. And just like the person who asked me that stupid question. I really just want to look them in the eye and say well I am talking to you to right now, what’s the difference?
For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God.
When are folks going to realize this one simple, but yet profound, Bible verse is true?
When are people going to take the Matthew 7 way of doing things?
3 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but fail to see the beam of wood in your own? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, “Let me remove the speck from your eye”, while there is the beam in your own? 5 You hypocrite, first remove the beam from your own eye, and then you can see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. (New English Translation)
To me this verse is specifically talking freedom. It would be hypocritical of me to help a young man who struggles with masturbation, one of the few grey areas in life’s struggles, when I have my own huge problem in the same area. My porn addiction kind of made me a chronic masturbator. For decades my speck grew and grew to the point where I could not see the error of my struggle. Afterall, it is usually a slow fade into addiction.
I didn’t have a speck or a board any longer….I had a tree! There were many days in my youth where masturbation was a daily occurrence. And there was almost always a feeling of remorse afterwards. But as the days and years past those feeling of remorse basically faded, though never completely gone. As I got into adulthood things became a lot more messed up. (nicest word I can use) My sex life was nuts. For many years it was anyone and almost anytime.
It wasn’t until 5 years ago that I realized something really needed to change in my life. I rededicated my life to God. And gave Him complete control. But by wielding myself to Him my whole life changed not just the porn and sex. But because I had tried to fill a void in my life with these things there were and are still a lot of issues to deal with. There were many nights of arguing with God as to why me.
Why did I have to be molested as a child and then again as a young teen?
Why did I have to suffer all those years of watching pornography?
Why did I feel the need to masturbate so much to where it actually physically hurt?
I was angry and hurt but upon the Holy Spirit talking to me I realized that it was NOT God who made this happen to me. Yes, He allowed it. And it was not my fault at all that I was molested. It was that persons chose and they acted upon it….I just happened to be the one who was there. They are forgiven. I have moved past that. I have been set free from the anger and resentment.
With my beam (tree) having been removed I can now see clearly to help another. I can clearly see the dangers of pornography and its effects it had on me, my sex life and well…life in general. I can give those warning signs to those seeking my help. I can now help them understand their triggers. I am no longer blind to the truth. Now I can help to free others from their Plank-eye so they in turn can help someone else remove theirs. I can help those who have been molested. I have been there and survived.
May we all be set free before we try removing someone else’s speck.