Looking back over the course of my recovery from porn addiction I have come to the conclusion that I am a victim….in a non-traditional manner. I will explain this later in the post but for now please bear with me.
Over the course of the last three years God has been working in my life really hard in this area. Trust me when I say my life has changed. No longer do I have his burning desire to watch it. I try to run! Thank God! I cry when I hear the stories from kids under the age of eighteen who reach out to me seeking help and guidance. Their stories hurt me deeply. It truly breaks my heart. I have been there. I have walked in their shoes, per se. Each person is different, I get that but we all start out pretty much the same. Accidental findings, the curiousity and the inherited part….sin. No one wakes up and says I want to be a lusting, masturbating porn addict when I grow up.
Mine started truly by accident. But the picture of that naked lady on the page would not leave this twelve year old mind. She was gorgeous. Big boobs and hair done between her legs. Wow. The first time I looked at that picture I got nervous and scared. I tried very hard for a boy of age twelve to stay out of my dad’s closet after that. But something kept telling it was ok to have one more look. Eventually I did have that one more look. And then another and another. Which lead to other things. But enough of that….let’s get to the real reason behind these words I am letting out of my head.
Not too long ago I commented onKerri Chronicles on one of the posts from her Punching Bag section. This particular post truly hurt me as I was reading it. A young girl had been raped by her brother and step-brother repeatedly growing up. Here is what I said…..
WOW! There is so much in this story. Man, I hurt for her, her husband and her brother. I pray the husband will have loving patience and understanding while healing takes place. I pray that she can forgive her brother and overtime realize that yes, he was a victim as well.
I did not ask for permission to quote anyone else’s comments but the jest of one persons comment was that porn addiction is self inflicted. Hence the reason for this post. To share my honest opinion of porn addiction and why I believe we are victims as well.
Has anyone ever really looked up the definition of the word victim. I have and you know what I found? Words….not just any words but certain key words that brought about my thoughts of victimhood. Want to know what those key words are? Deceived, as by one’s own emotions or ignorance, by the dishonestyof others, or by some impersonal agency. Or in the case of my life and most porn addicts an impersonal industry.
Now from a spiritual aspect the words deceived and dishonesty come from the father of lies, the devil. He decieved Eve by turning God’s words around and he has been doing it ever since. We have all been deceived by him. Which means we have all fallen victim to his lies. He does not want anyone to have a relationship with God and he will do anything to keep you from it.
But from the earthly side of things I will say it was my own ignorance of what would happen upon taking that second look. At the age of twelve, who thinks about how your brain is being altered just by looking at something. And with each look I was being dishonest with myself in saying it’s not hurting anyone, for that journey hurt a lot of people least of all me. I was also deceived by a very impersonal agency…the porn industry.
They do not care about the men and woman in their films anymore than they are with the audience that watches. They are selling lies and deception. True the guys might have big penis’ but the guys are hand picked as are the women for the big boobs. The films are edited to make it all one big scene. Again, deception to make you believe a guy can last thirty plus minutes without cumming. We all know that’s a lie. The woman’s faces of anguish as they are pounded away at are edited to make you believe that they actually enjoying it. I think not. They do not care that you become addicted…they WANT you addicted. The more you watch the more money they make. It’s all about deception and dishonesty.
So, tell me, are we porn addicts self-inflincted or victims?