Death Of A Loved One

I recently lost my second mom. And by that I mean she, Susie Jordan, was my best friends mom. She treated me as her own son. She gave me advice, she fed me but more importantly she loved me. And I loved her.

It brought back memories of my PawPaw. You see I didn’t want to see my PawPaw, as he was, after his aneurysm. I wanted to remember him as he was before…full of live. Not weak and dying. I was so selfish.

I stayed away because of me. But one day I got a call saying he wanted to see me. I went…reluctantly, sad to say. I went into his room.

There was always such a feeling of joy walking into that room growing up. Not today though.

I sat on his bed beside him. The man who taught me how to fish, hunt, clean squirrel, deer and fish, and how to work hard. Seeing him laying there, not saying anything hurt me to no end. But I grabbed his hand and said “I’m here PawPaw…I love you” through my tears. He opened his eyes and only said ” I love you too” in a whisper.

I stayed for a few hours just sitting there watching him sleep off and on and talking to Granny. Upon leaving, crying the whole time I was driving, I realized how selfish I was and cried more. But what really tore me up was the fact that he died shortly after I left. He waited and fought for life just long enough for his grandson to come see him and he could see me one more time.

I tell you that story because I want you understand what it took for me to go see Susie when my best friend, Joey, called and said mom is not going to be with us much longer. I hate those phone calls.

But when Joey called I told him I was coming home. I’ll go see mom. When I got to the hospital I walked into her room and the tears started. Luckily it was time for something (I can’t remember) that required me not looking. I was glad to turn around. That way mom would not see me cry. When I turned back around I had them under control…kinda. I went to her and said I love you mom. Held her hand for a bit. Then went and sat down. I stayed for hours talking with my “niece” Mandy and “sister” Sam and caught up. Joey unfortunately could not be there.

When I left I just sat in my car and wept. I had stopped crying and started to drive home…only to make it to the corner gas station before losing it again. I tried hard to not remember PawPaw that day…didn’t happen. But I did come and say bye to mom. I want to thank Angie for being my shoulder to cry on after leaving the hospital.

I want to share these two stories with you because there, unfortunately, is death. And we will all face it in one form or another one day. Death hurts. The loss hurts. That hole will never go away…we just learn to cope with the memories of the loved one. And those memories hurt…for a while and then they become treasures.

Will I recognize them when I get to glory? Some say yes. Some say no. It does not specify in scripture..that I have found. All I can say is I am glad I do know where they are!

There are many dealing with the loss of a loved one. It takes a while to come to terms with the loss. So if you know someone who has lost a loved one. Don’t get upset and wonder why they haven’t moved on. Try walking in their shoes for a day. You will never ask that question again.

11 thoughts on “Death Of A Loved One”

    1. I cried while remembering my PawPaw. But this story just hit me one night. I was thinking of a loved one of mine who recently lost her son and God just put this on my heart.

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    1. Thank Renee. You are right about the damn bursting. I remember going with Angie to Matthew’s resting place on day. She wanted me to go. That’s sacred ground in my eyes and it was an honor to be with her. She did the unexpected. She wept. I held her while she cried. I don’t remember how long it was but I knew God put me there that day so she could cry. A butterfly flew by us right before the tears fell. It was a sign to her and she just let it all out. I’ll never forget that day. She felt safe enough in my arms to grieve…

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Stu, you have no idea what this post has done for me today! I’m so glad that your were there for Angie and the butterfly comforted her heart. I know it meant a lot to her to have you to support her. There are just no words for that. God Bless you, Stu! And now I must share something that your post helped me with today. I had no idea that my earlier comment would be me with that dam bursting wide open. I had no idea that it needed to be….

    Liked by 1 person

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