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With my brothers permission I share this. As one sex addict to another…I love his post and am right there with him.

Everybody enjoys good sex…

 But what is good sex?

 We could ask countless people how they define “good sex” and…

 Although we’d probably get very similar answers…

 With women’s descriptions typically being much more involved and detailed…

 And men’s being pretty brief and lacking specifics…

 If we ask people to describe “good sex” beyond the initial catch phrases of words like:

 Passionate, intense, mind blowing, orgasmic, or…

 Intimate, relieving, soothing, comforting, healing, etc…

 Most would be hard pressed to describe what any of those words mean…

 They’d be even less capable of admitting to having ever had such an experience…

 In truth, it’s because they haven’t experienced sex…

 Of course, most people over a certain age have Had sex…

 Meaning they’ve engaged in the act…

 But, it’s likely, they weren’t even there…

 Experiencing their partner…

 And sharing in that moment…

 Almost all of us grow up with ideas about what sex should be…

 Even if our parents or other significant figures never had with us…

 “The Talk”…

 Boys grow up, usually hearing from significant male role models, what sex is…

 Their descriptions are almost always centered around ideas they inherited…

 From other men’s exaggerated descriptions…

 Watching pornography or looking at magazines…

 Or, occasionally, hearing about sexual encounters…

 In other words…

 Mostly fantasy…

 For women, its no better…

 Girls grow up, usually hearing from significant female role models, what sex is…

 Their descriptions are almost always centered around ideas they inherited…

 From other women’s exaggerated experiences…

 Watching romantic movies or reading romantic novels…

 Or, occasionally, hearing about sexual encounters…

 In other words, mostly fantasy…

 We inherit these words and ideas from people and society…

 That lack the ability to convey any feeling besides lust…

 And so the words are, truly, meaningless…

 These words convey images which arouse lust and bring us to masturbate…

 So we associate sex with only orgasm but…

 Still replaying the fantasies passed-on to us by others…

 We eventually find and create our own fantasies…

 But rarely are they outside the familiar parameters set for us at a young age…

 As young people are 1st exposed to sexuality…

 Their initial perception is usually set…

 By the atmosphere or impression they are given…

 Romantic, perverted, private, public, dirty, beautiful, etc…

 They hear words associated with sex like “performance”…

 As if sex is a circus act or Broadway show…

 (which can be Great if that’s what we choose for ourselves!)

 But all the while…

 Our partner is being held to some falsely imposed standard…

 And the experience restricted to an unhealthy life script of expectations…

 Of which neither may be aware…

 So rarely do we ever truly share in the delightful experience of…

 Our partner…

 Or the moment…

 The intensity of sexual allure…

 Is also intensified by the taboo associated with promiscuity…

 Men are often aroused by the overt dominance of societal standards…

 While women are often aroused by the sly control through seduction…

 All motivations are interchangeable but…

 It is the bold self destructive declaration of sovereignty that enhances the act…

 Ultimately, such submission to our carnal impulses inevitable denies us…

 The true intimacy we naturally crave…

 Through sexual expression…

 The only envy I feel for any one…

 Are for those few who have and are able share in the kind of genuine and fulfilling experience…

 I’ve described…

 Which, in truth, I can do no more than speak of in the abstract…

 Because I’ve never known…

 But I am trying to break-through the thick, distorted lenses…

 With which I was laden at an early age…

 For those of us who were inducted into sexuality…

 At a much too young and impressionable age…

 Through molestation, culture, pornography, exposure, etc…

 This breakthrough can be especially difficult and time consuming…

 To try and experience this idea I’ve been denied…

 And denied myself…

 I’m abstaining for sex…

 Because I’m tired of settling…

 I’m abstaining from pornography…

 Because I’m tired of tainting it…

 To extract the perversion and violence I’ve associated with sex…

 I’m exploring in the shadows…

 Cast by the megaliths of early experiences…

 Attempting to topple the past structures…

 Denying me the light…

 Sex is the most intense, euphoric and addictive drug I’ve ever experienced…

 And I’ve never found anything harder to quit…

 But I have to believe there’s something better…

 Than the passing moments of scripted pleasure…

 And I can’t help but believe…

 It’s going to be worth it…

~Benjamin P. Arnold~

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